My man may be firing blanks

Dear Pastor,

I am in my early 20s, and I am in love with a man who is in his 40s. He is a very good help to me.

When no one wanted to help me, I begged him for assistance. I wanted to go back to school and he gave me the help I needed. My father did not assist me. My mother kept quiet.

This man was very hard on me when it came to schoolwork. He told me he would help me, but he did not want to hear that I had another man, so I left the boyfriend I had. This man used to live with a woman, but they had a falling out. She tried to get him back, but he told her he was finished with her.

One Saturday I was at his house washing his clothes and she came around to the back of the house, saw me, and told me I should leave the place otherwise she was going to beat me. It was a good thing that the man drove in at that moment, and asked her what she was doing at his place. He told her to leave. She said she was not going anywhere and started to question him about me.

He told her that I was his girlfriend, and she told him that I had to leave because she was pregnant for him. He said that she could not be pregnant because of the last time they had sex. He went into his room and picked up a belt but she ran.

As she left, she cursed him. A couple of the neighbours told her that she should leave, so she did. This man told me not to come back to his house until he can get this lady under control. But every week I got money from him, not only for school, but to pay for groceries and anything I wanted to buy.

The woman found out where I lived and came there. She complained to my parents that I had taken away her man. My mother told her that I was over 18, so they couldn’t do anything about that. I called this man and told him that his ex came to our house and that she said those things to my parents. He searched for her, but did not find her. After that, he picked me up every weekend and took me to his house, but did not leave me alone.

I love this man with all my heart.

My father is not well, and this man takes him to the doctor, pays the medical bills and buys the medication. He does everything for my father. I have two brothers who do not give my father any assistance. My mother said I am a lucky girl to meet this man. I want to get married, but whenever I ask him, he says if we were to get married, the love he has for me wouldn’t be the same, because many of his friends got married and the relationships later ended.

I am wondering if something is wrong with him because he and his ex were living together and he did not get her pregnant. We have sex frequently and we are not using any protection, but I am not getting pregnant. Don’t you think that something is wrong with him? I think the time has come for me to have a child. I am getting older. I asked him if he does not want a son to carry on his name and he said not really. What do you think I should do?

I.

Dear I.,

It is indeed unusual for a man to declare that it does not bother him whether he is able to impregnate a woman.

I know most women would like to get married and have at least one child. You are now at the stage where you are eager to become pregnant. You believe that this man is not able to impregnate you. I understand why you are wondering whether something is wrong with him; both of you should go and see doctors who would help you to clear the record, so to speak. You should encourage him to go to a urologist and you should see a gynaecologist. His ex wants him back, but by now, she should have given up. She is a troublemaker.

This man is very kind. He is doing his very best, not only to love you, but also to assist your father. I hope that he won’t yield to any temptation and get himself into any type of trouble with his ex. If anybody is questioning the age between this man and you, tell them to mind their own business.

Pastor