My wife can’t get enough sex

Dear Pastor,

I am a 28-year-old man and I have been reading your column since I was in my early teens.

I love it so much that if anything happens, I quote you. Some of my friends at church and even back in high school call me Dear Pastor; I used to like that. I am writing to you because I got into trouble with a girl who I had to marry before I was fully ready. I liked her, but I was not fully ready to get married. But our parents got together and they convinced me that it was the right thing to do. We were not able to live on our own, but my parents provided space for us. We had our own entrance and bathroom, but we had to share the kitchen. My mother promised that she would not get in her way, and she kept her word. My wife respects my parents.

When we got married, my wife did not have to move anything into our house expect her clothes. I had my own bed in my room. But it did not take me long to find out that this girl is very kinky. I know that she was sexually active when I met her and I would say that it was sex that causes her to conquer me. We were together at a friend’s house for a birthday gathering. Her friend had just turned 21 and a couple of her girlfriends hosted an adult party for her and rented some adult movies. This girl got so excited. Her friend was all over her boyfriend, telling him that is what she wants him to do with her. My girl joined in and told me what she wanted from me. She did not want me to take her home, so we ended up at a particular place, which I am ashamed to mention. She introduced me to some kinky stuff, similar to what we saw on the movies. That is where I got this woman pregnant. After we got married, she really let her hair down.

I don’t have to touch her to ask for sex. She has a large sexual appetite and she wanted me to do everything with her even when she was six months pregnant. She buys certain drinks and she mixes up the things that her friends told her that she should prepare to keep me going. I am not lying, I like what we do sometimes, but she goes crazy in the bedroom. I can’t discuss these things with certain people, otherwise they are going to say that my wife is not a Christian. Although I know she is, when she wants her stuff, she will even curse expletives until I agree for us to do it that way.

Do you think that Christians should practise kinky sex?

J.

Dear J.F.,

Let me put it this way to you, when a man and his wife are in their bedroom and they have locked the door, it is nobody’s business what they are doing with each other – unless what they are doing is directly forbidden in the Bible.

I do not really fully understand what you mean by kinky sex. But I know that in all these years that I have been a counsellor, people come to me, and sometimes say that their partners are kinky. I dare not put in print what some people say. I know I have occasionally told women not to allow men to do certain things to them and I say that while the men are present. I don’t think I have to explain everything here in my response. If something is forbidden in the Bible, it is forbidden.

Your woman seems to be hot, very hot, and perhaps you are not strong enough to cool her. I have said a couple of times in this column that a couple I know came to see me and the woman said that when she really wants her stuff, and her husband is not up to it, she chases him in the house and they have even broken up certain items. His response was that he just had to comply. Another man told me that his wife will never fall asleep unless he has sex with her, and they have been married for many years.

What I am trying to say here is this: couples must learn to meet the sexual needs of each other and not be worried about what people say about them. But nobody has to know what you do in your bedroom.

Pastor