Husband won’t put my name on his bank account

Dear Pastor,

I have been married for two years and I own my own apartment. My husband and I attend the same church.

Our minister taught us that we should not own anything independently; everything should be jointly owned because we are one when we get married. I put my husband's name on my house title and account. We do not have the same bank. So I asked my husband when he was going to take me to his bank and add my name to his account, and he said that he was thinking about it. Well, it has been more than two years and he has not done so as yet.

I reminded him recently that I have put his name on everything that I have and he responded by saying that he did not ask me to do so. We have been taught in our church that when a couple is married, they should not have separate accounts, and even their home title should be jointly owned.

I am beginning to feel that I have made a big mistake. What do you think?

V.D.

Dear V.D.,

I do not insist that a woman should add her husband's name on her account or on her property title.

But I do not condemn anyone who wants to do so. I have been in the counselling ministry for a long time, and I have seen many people suffer because they have foolishly added the names of their spouses on their property titles and their bank accounts. I am not condemning those who did it, but I know for sure that no one should be pressured to do it. I believe spouses should have separate accounts.

Men have gone into their wives' accounts and withdrawn money, and their wives were not aware until a long time had passed. Women have withdrawn money from the accounts of their men and the men have been unaware of it. Now, please don't misunderstand me, there might be accounts that should be kept as joint accounts for convenience, but not every spouse can be trusted.

As an individual, have your own accounts so that you won't have to beg your husband for anything that you may need. Spend your own money. Some people, even when they are married, steal from each other. Not all wives can be trusted, and not all husbands can be trusted. Apply for your own credit card and debit card. Don't be foolish.

Your husband has a plan. He doesn't trust you. So be careful what you do.

Pastor