Church standing in our way

Dear Pastor,

I am a 51-year-old Christian woman. I was married, but my husband and I are divorced.

The marriage did not work out well. My husband lived in my house but did not provide much. He lived on me in the sense that he did not pay any bills, neither did he provide food. I couldn’t take this kind of living anymore, so I divorced him. I became involved with another man and we would love to get married.

Three years ago, I started to attend church and got baptised. One of the brothers in the church and I started to date. I told him that I was divorced. He said he too was married, but his wife died. He said he is in love with me and he would discuss our relationship with his pastor. After talking to him, he said his pastor said it’s a sin to marry me, and that I am an adulteress because my husband is still alive. He said anybody who is divorced and their ex is alive they would be committing adultery if they were to get marry again.

This man and I are still going out together and whenever he comes to my house, he is all over me, and sometimes we have sex. So, I asked him if what we are doing is adultery and he said yes, it is, but at least we are not married. I can’t understand how he is reasoning that out. He said it is not easy for him to walk away from me and I told him the same thing. I love this man so much that I gave him a key to my apartment so he can get into my place whether I am there or not.

He told his children about me, but he has not told them that I am divorced. I have been telling him that if he is serious about me, he should resign from his church and let us find another church that would accept me as a member, although I was once married and my ex-husband is still alive. This man’s pastor told him that I should go back to my husband. I will never do that.

What do you suggest this man and I should d

R.

Dear R.,

I know there are many churches that have strict rules on divorce and remarriage.

But I speak to you from my heart. This argument has been going on for centuries. It has divided certain churches. I am not here to condemn those who are against divorce and remarriage. But as I see it, divorce means that a marriage has ended, and if the marriage has ended, one can remarry. To me it is not right to put bondage on a man or woman who is divorced.

Therefore, if this man and you are in love, he might seriously consider handing in his resignation and both of you could apply to another church for membership after you get married.

Pastor