Pastor spread my business in the church

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 and I am a Christian. I am active in my church. I sing on the choir and I teach Sunday school.

There is a brother who started visiting the church and he has fallen in love with me. I should say that both of us have fallen in love with each other. He did not hesitate to talk to our pastor about how he feels about me. He told the pastor that he had been admiring me, but the pastor did not mention it to me. One Sunday morning, he called the both of us to the front and announced to the church that we are in love and we are planning to get married. I was shocked by the announcement; and my mother was embarrassed, because she was not aware that this man had loved me and I was admiring him.

On our way home, my mother never said a word to me. But when we got home, she said that she thought I was attending church to praise God, but instead I am in church seeking a man. I tried to calm her down, but that did not help. She told my father how embarrassed she was to see me standing there with my boyfriend and hearing what the pastor said. I went back to church that evening and I told the pastor that I was leaving the church because he embarrassed me and my family. The pastor said he spoke it openly because if people found out that we liked each other, they would talk about it and accuse us of committing fornication. So that was the best way for him to handle the situation. I felt much better after talking to him.

My mother did not think that the pastor did anything wrong; she said he was only trying to keep the congregation clean. Since the pastor made that announcement, and since I spoke to him, my boyfriend and I haven't said much to each other when we are at church. We talk mostly on the telephone, and he visits me at home. We are trying to get to know each other. He has good manners and he has a good job. We have never engaged in sex.

My father, who is not a Christian, sometimes teases me by calling me Mrs So and So, using the name of the young man. My father is a big teaser.

A.L.

Dear A.L.,

Your pastor made a big mistake. He should have discussed the matter with you and the young man before making this grand announcement in church.

What he did must have embarrassed you and your mother. I am not surprised that your mother was annoyed. She felt that you had disrespected her by not telling her that you were having a relationship with this young man. Your pastor is wrong. He believes that by telling the congregation that this young man and you are lovers, that it will prevent them from thinking that you are engaging in sex. But even if you were engaging in sex, telling the congregation that you are lovers would not help. Too many churches feel that when young people are going together that they are engaging in sex. That is not always true.

Anyway, forgive the pastor, he does not know better. Don't leave your church because the pastor made a mistake and embarrassed you.

Pastor