Mother wants me to join her in the US

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 years old and I am having a problem. My mother left me with my father and grandparents and went to the US. I was nine years old at the time. My father was a bus driver, so he was hardly home. But every week he gave my grandparents money to take care of me. My grandfather was a farmer. My grandmother does higglering. Sometimes when I was not in school, I used to go to the park with her. She was proud of me as her grandchild. I learnt a lot from my grandma. She used to make up a little bed at the market and tell me to go to sleep.

In primary school I had good teachers. I got through the exams and started to attend high school. My father was proud of me. He gave me everything I needed for school. I have five subjects. My mother has contacted me and told me that she got married, and that she wants me to go to the US to live with her. My grandparents asked me whether I wanted to go and I told them no. Her husband was married twice. My mother is his third wife. I would prefer to go to college in Jamaica. I told my mother how I feel and she says that I do not have any ambition.

I have a 'boyfriend', but we are only friends and nothing more. He told me that I should consider what my mother has told me, because he would like to join me in the US. That is why I am asking you for your opinion.

E.W.

Dear E.W.,

I have received many letters from children who have grown up with their grandparents.

One could say that their mothers abandoned them, but after the children have passed the worse, as we say in Jamaica, the mothers contact them and they want to direct their lives. Many of these children are not interested in hearing from their biological mothers. The children often refuse to have anything to do with their mothers, even when the mothers try to arrange marriages for them.

Your mother had nothing to do with you after she gave you over to your grandparents. It was your grandparents who took care of you, and you did very well. I would not encourage you to join your mother in the US. Perhaps when you are much older, you may consider visiting her. Plan to attend school here in Jamaica. You are a smart girl; you don't have to be worried about whether opportunities may pass you by if you do not go to the US.

Pastor