Sad that I can’t get pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you with tears in my eyes. I am in my early 30s. I am also in a stable relationship.

My partner and I are not married. I know that his mother has advised him not to marry me unless I can get pregnant. I have never been pregnant. I love my partner world without end. One doctor told me that my tubes were blocked and I would have to undergo surgery. My partner did not agree for me to do the surgery. So, I am here hoping for a miracle.

My partner and I do everything together. We travel together and I know that he has been faithful to me. He is not the type of man who would have sex with other women. I know women, including some of my friends, have thrown themselves at him, but he has rejected them. Sometimes when I go to family gathering and I see my nieces and nephews around, and how well my boyfriend relates to them, I feel a bit sad. But he encourages me and says, "We can be happy without children." He tells me that his mother loves me and she occasionally asks him why doesn't try and get another woman pregnant.

I am not at the stage where I will be willing to take another woman's child if my husband should go out, get a child, and bring them home. We are quite comfortable in our house. My partner and I can support a couple of children. He tells me all the time that I should not stress myself because I do not have children. That is the only thing that I am missing in our relationship. I am looking forward to your comments.

P.H.

Dear P.H.,

You seem to believe that your boyfriend has not yet proposed to you because his mother has advised him not to do so unless you are able to get pregnant.

I don't know if she has really told him not to do so, but I would not be surprised because some parents do put their children under pressure. If their sons are living with women or have girlfriends and they cannot conceive, they call the women mules. Some of them encourage their sons to go with other women.

Your partner is happy with you. At least that is the expression he has given. But you are very unhappy. I am sure that your doctor has explained many things to you. He has given you reasons why you are unable to have children so far.

I am not a medical doctor, so I am not going to tell you what your doctor should tell you. I know there are many couples in Jamaica who do not have children. Some of them are serving as pastors. I hope that your partner may suggest that both of you can adopt a child. It would add so much to your home. Would you consider adoption?

A friend of mine was told by his doctor that his wife would never have a child. So they adopted a boy, and what a great excitement that was when they took that baby to church. But soon after they adopted that child, a miracle happened. The woman became pregnant; and they had about three other children.

Please consider adopting a child.

Pastor