Wife left me after trip to USA

Dear Pastor,

I am 55 years old and I have been married for over 20 years. I have one child with my wife. She has two children who were born before we got married. I have worked hard all my life and, whatever I have, came through sweat and blood.

My wife has never worked. She did a little higglering but I carried the load of the house. I was never worried about that because, growing up, my father told me that a man should always take care of his wife and provide for her. So, I did what I learnt from my father.

This woman asked me to allow her to go to the United States of America (USA) to spend some time with her two children. I told her that was fine with me. She went away for two weeks and then returned. The children sent a pair of shoes and two shirts for me and I was very glad to receive them. But, from the time my wife came back, it was like her body was on fire. She wanted to go back to the USA and kept complaining about Jamaica.

I could not live in peace with her. I wondered if she had found a man there, but she said she did not. When I asked her what was the problem, she said she had everything to her comfort in the USA. She said her girls would like her to return and just take care of their house, and they would support her. I asked her what about me, and she said nothing was said about me. I found that very strange.

I told her that, if she was not happy with me any more, she may go, but I was not leaving Jamaica. One Sunday evening, I spoke to her two daughters and I asked them why they hate me and they said they did not hate me. I asked them why are they taking their mother from me and they told me that their mother told them that she would like to leave but that had nothing to do with it. I asked them if there is a job up there that I can do; they said I could always find jobs, but I would have to find a place to live because they could only accommodate their mother.

My wife eventually left Jamaica.

I live in a three-bedroom house which I share with my son. Since my wife left, I allowed him to take his girlfriend here. She does most of the cooking. She treats me well. She is now expecting a child.

I would like to divorce my wife but I am wondering why it cost so much to get a divorce. One lawyer said he will charge $75,000. Why should a divorce cost so much money?

I didn't have another woman with my wife, but visiting the USA has changed her. Since she told me that she is not coming back, I have found myself loving another woman. She attends church. She said that she is not in the fooling around business, so we will have to get married to live a clean life. However, I am afraid of getting married again.

Sometimes this woman wants to come over to my house and spend the night with me. I told her I prefer to come to her house but she encourages me to fix things with my wife because the neighbours know that she is a Christian and they will talk about her having a man visiting her.

I am writing you for your best advice. Satan has got into my marriage and now I am with this new woman and she is in a hurry for us to get married.

P.

Dear P.,

Some marriages have done very well in Jamaica, but, as soon as a wife or a husband goes to the USA, the relationship suffers.

Some so-called Christian women lie in affidavits that they don't know where their husbands are. Or they have tried to serve them the divorce papers unsuccessfully. People have been divorced in the USA and they were not even aware of it. I suppose you have cried over your broken marriage, but what I can say to you is dry your tears, pick up the pieces, so to speak, and move on.

I will also suggest that, if you do not believe that you can afford to pay the lawyer to act on your behalf in this divorce matter, you should contact the Legal Aid Council. I am sure that they will handle this matter for you, although you will have to pay them some money.

Pastor