Dad beat me for kissing a man in the driveway

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you, but I read your column very often. I have a daughter.

I got pregnant when I was 18 years old. My daughter is now 17. When I got pregnant and told the baby's father, he told me that I was on my own because he told me that I should use protection. It was true that he told me so, but I was too young to fully understand that I would get pregnant. He never gave me anything to prepare for the baby, but I had two sisters who helped me.

My father was not a responsible man. When my mother told him that I was pregnant, he cursed me. But when the child was born, he got to love her. I got a job six months after my daughter was born, so I was able to help myself. I got involved with another man and my father caught us kissing. He took his belt and gave me a beating. I was so shocked, and my mother did not come to my rescue. I never told anybody that my father beat me. I developed a hatred for him, because I thought that he should not have beaten me because I was kissing my boyfriend.

Looking back now, I have got to love my father because he is now a Christian and he has become caring. The guy who was my boyfriend does not give me anything for the child. My father has taken full responsibility. He pays for my daughter to attend a very good school and he sent me back to school. I am now a cosmetologist. Life is much better for us now. My father said that he beat me because he wanted me to know that some men are only interested in having sex and they don't care whether or not they get the girls pregnant. Plus, I had a child already, so I should have been more careful.

My mother loves my father so much; he can't do anything wrong. I am now in another relationship, and I am looking forward to getting married by the end of the year. I love my fiance; he is very good to me. My father likes him and he is free to visit me at any time. We are planning to have a small wedding. We have already booked the church and paid down some money on the venue for the reception. My father is going to officiate at my wedding. Sometimes when I remember how my father beat me for kissing a man, I laugh about it. My mother told me that I shouldn't be kissing a man in his car in our driveway. Can you imagine what would have happened if we were doing something else, like having sex in the car in the driveway? I am glad that nothing like that was going on.

R.B.

Dear R.B.,

You have learnt to forgive your father for beating you when he saw you and a man kissing in his driveway.

As you said, you thought you were old enough to be kissing a man. Your father, however, thought that you were very out of order to be doing so in his driveway. Evidently, your mother agreed with him. I am glad that your father is a changed man after becoming a Christian. He has treated you well, and he loves your daughter.

You have taken the right attitude. Although you hated what he did, you have learnt to forgive him. He has been sending your daughter to school and he has also sent you back to school. So you are a very fortunate woman. I wish your boyfriend and you much happiness. I will only give you a warning; do not plan an extravagant wedding. Weddings can be very costly, so keep it simple. My prayers are with you.

Pastor