Wife calling me a one-minute man

Dear Pastor,

I am a 40-year-old man and my wife is 23. She is always complaining that I discharge too soon.

I have tried my best to hold back, but I can't help myself. My wife and I are always fussing over sex. Often, when I discharge, she tells me that I am a waste of time. She has got into the habit of calling me a one-minute man. I believe that my wife is seeing another man.

I am a taxi driver and one of my colleagues told me that he saw my wife with another man, and she tried to hide from him. When he described the man, I suspected that she was seeing that man. I told her what I heard and she said she was nowhere in the area where I was told that she was seen. I have gone to the doctor, but there is no improvement. I have taken herbal treatments. That is what I am relying on these days.

I try to come home early and rest. The herbal doctor told me what I should drink, so I am trying. Sometimes I find myself crying when I look at my wife and when I hear how she handles me. When I was in my 20s and 30s, no woman ever told me that I was a one-minute man. I treat my wife very well. I used to do construction work and I hurt my back, so I am wondering if that is what is affecting me and preventing me from not being able to enjoy sex with my wife. She has one child, but I am not the child's father.

Do you know anything that I can use that will help me to go longer in making love to my wife? I don't want my wife to stray, but that is what is happening right now. I don't want to get myself into trouble, because I know I will hurt her if she brings another man into this house. So Pastor, give me your advice.

T.S.

Dear T.S.,

Let me assure you that many men do suffer from lack of sexual control (premature ejaculation).

It is something that women complain about very often. The more the women complain, is the more difficult it is for the men to feel that they don't have any use. Many women have left their husbands and gone to other men because their husbands have not been able to satisfy them sexually.

It does not seem to me that your wife is willing to work with you to overcome your problem. Unfortunately, she has started to call you a one-minute man and by doing so, you feel very hurt and you believe that you are wasting your time in trying to make love to her.

I know that there are some men who have spent lots of money on medical doctors, and have complained because the doctors only gave them some tablets that do not give much help. Men who suffer from premature ejaculation do not have the ability to control their ejaculation for a long period, thereby allowing their women sufficient time to be sexually satisfied. You are not able to control yourself. Some men ejaculate even before they insert the penis in the woman's vagina, and the women retaliate by scratching up the men's backs, and cursing.

I have noted your age. You are surely not an old man. There is hope for you. You have to learn to control the timing of your ejaculation. Your wife and you should consider visiting a sex therapist for professional help. Premature ejaculation doesn't allow a man's wife to enjoy sexual pleasure, that is why your wife is abusing you by calling you a one-minute man. She is frustrated and may even be tempted to find pleasure in the arms of another man.

You have said that you suspect that your wife is seeing another man. Perhaps that is not true, but because you are having problem, you are likely to believe whatever you hear. As the man, you can learn certain techniques that would delay your ejaculation. A famous technique is the squeeze control. Learn to communicate with your wife. I can't go into everything here, but a sex therapist would be of great help to you.

Pastor