Boyfriend does not believe in marriage

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old and I have a boyfriend. We have been friends for two years. I love this man so much.

He is my very heartbeat, but whenever I talk to him about us getting married, he tells me that he is not considering getting married. He said that his parents were never married and they live happily. Whenever my father hears that any of his friends is getting married, he said that he is going crazy.

This is the second man in my life and while I do not want to lose him, I would like to have a family. I do not want to have children if I am not married. I have started to attend church and I would love to get baptised. I told my boyfriend to come with me to church. He visited a few times, but he said everybody is looking at him and he doesn't like that. Other guys have tried to get with me, but I have not gone with any of them. Even my boss' son has tried to date me, but I told him that I was not interested.

My boyfriend and I have started to live together. I went forward during altar call and the counsellor encouraged me to get baptised, but I told her I cannot do that because I am not yet married. She told the pastor what I said and the pastor told me he would talk to my boyfriend. But I asked him not to call my boyfriend because he would leave me. I have never met anyone who is so kind and caring. I asked him if he trusts me and he said yes. Then I asked him why he wouldn't marry me and he said he does not believe in marriage. I know he does not have another girlfriend. I have gone through his phone and I have never seen any messages from another girl. He is just not prepared to make a commitment to me.

I told myself that I am giving him till the end of this year, and if he does not propose to me, I am going to leave him. I say that but I do not know if I can carry out that threat. What can I do to convince this man to marry me?

K.B.

Dear K.B.,

I want you to know that there are many men who have taught their sons not to get married.

I shall never forget receiving a call from a man on the Dear Pastor Show. He told me that he told his boys what they should do to women - they should have sex with them, but not marry them. To him, women are only to be used and men should avoid making commitments to them. I am not here suggesting that your boyfriend is using you, but he has told you not to expect him to marry you. So, you know where you stand and it is up to you to stay with him or to move on.

I understand that you want to serve the Lord. Put the Lord first in your life. The Lord will never let you down, but your boyfriend will. You are an intelligent young woman; decide what you want for your life.

Pastor