Girlfriend likes to tie me up

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you about a problem. I am 35 and my lady friend is 45. We are living together, but we are not yet married.

She is divorced. I have never been married, but I have two children with two different women. The woman that I am living with does not have children. I met her online and we became very good friends. I should let you know that I am in America. I came here because of her. I do not regret coming, but she has some ways that I do not like. From the time I got here, she has been trying to control me. When I came and I didn't know the place, it did not bother me. She took me everywhere. Now that I know my way around, she still wants to do that. When I asked her why she has to go with me, even to the barber shop, she said she has to protect me. I don't need that type of protection.

Another big problem that I am having with her is that she is never tired of having sex. She is the first woman who has tied me up and made me feel helpless when she is having sex with me. The first time that I allowed her to tie me up, I considered it to be so unusual, but I went along with it. She tied my hands behind my back. I tried to loosen myself, but she laughed and made them tighter. I was stripped naked and she was totally in control of me. One of my legs was tied to the chair we have in the room, and the other one was tied to her dresser. You can imagine what that woman was doing to me, and when I protested, it made her do worse. She had me that way for about an hour. Then she went for a drink and gave me some, but I could not touch the glass. She had some of it and threw the rest on my private part and you could imagine how she worked me over. I told her to have mercy on me. She said she was having mercy.

She loosened my hands from behind my back, but I could not get up because my feet were tied. I told her that I would leave and go back to Jamaica because I could not stand what she did to me. This woman loves oral sex. She likes to receive it and to give it. I asked her whether her husband allowed her to do that to him. She said yes and he did not complain, so I was behaving as a baby. She has a box of sex toys and she likes to use one of them while we are making love.

I am not accustomed to doing some of the things that she wants me to do. Sometimes when we are making love, she behaves as if she is crazy. I want to return to Jamaica. Right now I cannot find my passport; I know she has hidden it because she does not want me to leave. She says that I want to go back to Jamaica because I have a woman there, but I do not. My babymothers and I separated long ago. I am so worried because this woman has threatened to report me to immigration. I am still searching for my passport. What can I do about these problems?

E.P.

Dear E.P.,

This woman has you under her control. It does not appear as if you knew her well before you went to America and started to live with her.

We will not publish some of the things that you have mentioned in your letter. She does not want you to become involved with any other woman and she believes that if you were to go out alone, that is likely to happen. Women who behave like your girlfriend are in control of every aspect of a man's life. I would not be surprised if she spends all your money and you are just a boy in her house. This woman takes sex to the extreme. She likes humiliating a man. She likes to see him suffer and she takes pleasure in doing so.

You know that you are in trouble and you are asking me for my suggestions. I would say to you, make plans to run from this woman. She loves bondage sex. So leave her before you go crazy. Tell her that you have no alternative but to report to the police or to immigration that your passport cannot be found. I repeat, leave this woman.

Pastor