I got my caregiver pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular listener to your show, and I have been reading your column for years. It is like medicine to my soul.

I was living in the US, but after I lost my wife five years ago, I came back to Jamaica. I am a little worried now because with so much violence in the country, my daughters want me to sell out and come back to the US. I am contemplating doing so, but a year ago I got myself in a little trouble.

I got a young lady pregnant but I denied it. When the child was born, I had to stop telling people that the girl was lying. The boy looked just like me, so I started to support him, and this young woman, who was my helper, moved in with the baby. I felt embarrassed, because my neighbours looked up to me. The babymother was proud to tell everybody that the child is mine.

My two daughters came to Jamaica, but before they got here, I tried to tell the young lady to go back to her people and stay with them until my daughters left. But she insisted that she was not going to leave, because I am hiding the baby from my daughters, which was true. So, soon after my daughters arrived and my driver picked them up, the babymother met them at the door and said, "Welcome home." I cleared up the matter before my daughters went to bed. In front of the babymother, I told them that I had made a mistake and embarrassed myself and them. I was happy when they responded by saying, "Everybody makes mistakes," so they were quite willing to forgive me.

The mother of the child is still here. She does everything for me. She is not a bad girl. I did not even know I could have got her pregnant. Sometimes when she wants to have sex and I put on the condom, I lose my erection. But if I have sex without using the condom I am alright, although it takes me longer to ejaculate. Sometimes I wonder what to do. I find myself having to satisfy her the unnatural way.

I do not know what to do. I do not want this girl in the house any more, but she has not decided to move. My daughters are insisting that I return to America and live with them. One of them even suggested that we sell the house in Jamaica, because they do not intend to return her to live. They say the young woman should go and look a job, and they will send her money every month for the baby. She is only 28, and as I said, getting her pregnant was not planned.

Please give me your advice.

K.D.

Dear K.D.,

What you are saying is that you did not know that you had the ability at such a mature age to impregnate a woman. I am assuming that this young woman was your caregiver. Call her your helper if you prefer. She was working with you, but you lost control of yourself and did not use good judgement, so she became your sex partner and you got her pregnant. You were too ashamed to acknowledge what you had done, but she was determined to tell everybody that you were responsible for getting her pregnant. Even after your daughters saw the child, they were convinced that he is their little brother. Now you know for sure that a man can impregnate a woman even if he is very old, and it does not take a lot of effort to do so.

I am glad that your daughters are helping to support this child. You have to forget the shame and do what is right. I understand the concerns of your daughters; they want you to be close to them. If you plan to return to the US, see to it that your son is well supported. Whether you sell the house or maintain it, make plans for the future of your little son.

Let me address something you said earlier. You said that when you try to use the condom with this woman, you lose your erection. That is what some men have experienced. You may wish to discuss with a sex therapist what you can do if you think it is necessary to continue having sexual intercourse. I agree with your daughters - this young woman should seek a job elsewhere. I do not get the impression that you are willing to make her your wife, and I doubt very much that your daughters will want you to marry her.

Pastor