I’m going to marry my high school sweetheart

Dear Pastor,

I am 24 years old and I am in love with a girl who is also 24. We went to high school together. My parents and her parents are very good friends. My parents sent me away soon after I graduated from high school. This girl was left in Jamaica. I told my aunt with whom I stayed in America that I had to go back to Jamaica and marry this girl because she was my first girlfriend.

We share a lot as a couple. It was in our classroom that we had sex for the first time. A teacher caught us, but did not report us. She spoke to us about our conduct and promised that she would not tell the principal what we were doing. We told her thanks. From that day, whenever the teacher saw me, she called me 'Rude Boy', but she did not address my girlfriend in that way.

I have enjoyed living in America. I have my degree, so I am planning to return to Jamaica to marry this girl. My parents told me that I should stay in America and continue to study. I told my parents that I do not want to get involved with any American girl, although they are all over me. I took out a girl I met at a party and she was very easy. Another time she called me and asked me to go out with her. I told her I did not have any money, but she said she had money. This girl booked a motel and we were not even there for five minutes before she had all her clothes off. I told her nothing could go on because I did not have any protection. She forced me to have sex with her, so I did.

I was really scared. I was talking to her after having sex and she asked why worry, she could take care of herself with the morning-after Pill. Since that time she has tried to get me to go out with her again, but I have refused.

Some of these girls love Jamaican men. I was not the first Jamaican man that she had gone out with. If anybody is to get pregnant by me, it would have to be my childhood sweetheart. Every time she talked to me on the phone, she asked me if I have another girlfriend and I told her no. She asked if I have had sex with anybody here and I said no. I have to continue saying no because I don't want her to worry.

She is trying to become a registered nurse. I am hoping to come home in a few weeks and marry this girl in a private ceremony. I hope to be in Jamaica for three weeks. Do you think I am doing something wrong?

I have saved up enough money to buy her a ring and I have talked to my pastor about marrying us. This girl told me that she has been faithful to me. My mother told me that she has not seen her with any man and every day when they talk, she talks about me.

R

Dear R.,

The teacher at the school you attended, who saw your girlfriend and you having sex in the classroom, kept her lips sealed. She promised that she would not report the both of you. She changed your name to Rude Boy, but out of respect for your girlfriend she has never called her Rude Girl. I believe that you love this young lady and I would indeed encourage you to marry her.

As I read your letter, I am reminded of a man who told me that he had a date with a young American woman; he is Jamaican. He said she is very aggressive. One of the first things she did on the date was to try and unzip his pants, and when he objected, she called him a fool and told him that everybody was doing it.

So this young lady who invited you out and told you that she would pay for everything was determined that you should not get away from her on that day. You did not go prepared to have sex with her, but she was prepared for you.

You have had to be lying to your girlfriend here in Jamaica. She has good reasons to believe that you have gone to bed with other women. I am glad that you are determined to make this young girl in Jamaica your wife. It is the right thing to do.

Your parents have been encouraging you to continue to study. They are not giving you bad advice; therefore, I hope that even after you are married, you will continue to study. Your wife, as a registered nurse, will not find it difficult to get a job abroad, and both of you can work together to build a family.

Perhaps after you are married, your wife and you should put plans in place for children. She does not have to get pregnant right away. A couple needs a few months together alone before becoming parents.

I wish both of you well. Take good care.

Pastor