My husband says I’m unattractive

Dear Pastor,

I am 27 years old and I got married two years ago. When I got married I had a lovely figure, but I now have a hanging tummy since I gave birth to two children. I have tried everything to take off the weight. My husband used to go crazy when he comes home and sees me nicely put together for him. He used to want me to come into the shower with him, but after I started having children he lost interest in me. He said I became careless. However, I have not been careless, but the weight has just come on.

I have tried everything to shed the excess pounds. I go for walks, I starve myself, but nothing is happening. My husband is not making it easy for me, because he is now having an affair with a younger girl, who is about the size that I used to be. I asked my husband why he has to get involved with this girl and he said he does not have much feeling for me any more. It hurts!

This girl is about 22 years old. I know her. I found her number in his phone and I called her and told her to leave my man alone. She responded by saying, 'Why don't you tell your husband to leave me alone?' She denied that she told me those words. My husband has assured me that he is not going to leave me, but I should not call this girl any more because she cannot take him away from me. I told him to make sure that he doesn't get her pregnant. He said he is not going to get her pregnant because they are not doing anything.

I do not believe my husband. He used to be all over me, now I have to be forcing myself on him, especially when I want some sex.

I remember the days my husband would rush at me, even when I am in the kitchen, and tell me to turn off the stove and come. We made passionate love. Those days are long gone, and I wonder whether they will ever come back.

T.M

Dear T.M.,

Your husband has denied that he is having an affair. He might not be having an affair, but you believe that this beautiful girl that you heard about and your husband are having an affair.

On the other hand, you know that things are not going well with the both of you because you have got very fat and you need to take off weight. You said you have done many things to try to take off some weight, but nothing is happening. Perhaps you need to go to the doctor and asked him or her to put you on a reducing diet. You would have to stick with it.

As you know, it is not unusual for lots of women to put on weight after they have had children. However, if they are careless, the weight will indeed pile on. So instead of fussing with your husband about another girl, take control of yourself. Work on yourself and hope for the best. Although you have on excessive weight, try to keep yourself clean and attractive for your husband.

Pastor