l have bad luck with women

Dear Pastor,

I always enjoy listening to you and reading your column. As a man, I can relate to some of them. I am in my 40s and I have had several relationships. I got close to getting married, but I never did.

I thought two of the relationships that I got involved in were genuine. I tried my best to help my partners financially. One of them came to live with me, but all she wanted was the little money I was making. She was never satisfied.

I work with a builder and sometimes work is slow, but I did not have to pay rent because I live in a house that belongs to my mother, and I am the only one living in Jamaica. My siblings are living abroad. I stayed here in Jamaica and took care of my mother, while my brothers and sisters assisted me with money to take care of her.

This young lady came to live with me after my mother passed on. My siblings continued to help me. I repaired the house. It is not a fancy place; it has three bedrooms and two bathrooms with a big kitchen. My boss helped me to make a modern kitchen. So this woman moved in and I told her that I am looking for an honest and faithful woman. She had two children, one boy and one girl. I also have two children with two different women. I took the children as my own and helped them.

I expected her to get up and help me by making breakfast. However, she laid in her bed all morning, even if the children were not going to school. I asked her why she wouldn't make breakfast for me and she said that before she was living with me, I used to make my own breakfast, so what's the difference now. I told her that the difference is she is living as my wife so she should treat me better. She said she didn't see it that way. I did not fuss with her; I made my own breakfast.

One weekend I had to spend some money on my car; it was soaking wet, so I took it to the garage. It also needed two tires, so I didn't have much money to give her to buy food for the house. She got just over $8,000. She said that couldn't cut it, so I told her she had to make it work. She asked me how the children will go to school and I told her that we could cut back on food for the both of us so that the children will not have to stay home. She grumbled and said something that I didn't hear.

In the night I touched her, and the woman told me not to touch her because she can't do what I want to do on a hungry stomach. I told her that I was sure that she wasn't hungry. I went into the kitchen and I saw that we had corn beef and rice. I asked her if she wanted me to cook the rice and corn beef for us to eat if she is hungry and she said it was too late to eat that type of food. She said she would eat a piece of chicken. I told her she was inconsiderate. The woman turned her back on me in the bed. I knew then that she was not the woman for me. The following day I did not have to go to work, but I went out with some friends to play dominoes and I came back in the evening. When I got home there was nothing for me to eat.

The neighbour had given me a breadfruit so I asked her why she didn't either boil or roast the breadfruit so that I could eat something. She hissed her teeth. I told her that she should leave and take her children with her. She said I was asking her to leave because I have another woman. I did not have another woman, but I am a man, I do not like to fuss with other women. I told her that I couldn't have her in the house and she is not doing anything for me.

She said she hasn't stopped washing my clothes and cleaning the house, but she doesn't understand why she has to cook my meals. I reminded her that she was living at my place for free. She does not even do anything for me in the bedroom.

She started to make breakfast for me, but I didn't like the way she prepared it, so I asked her not to bother; and I kept asking her to leave. One day I came home from work and I saw that she had packed up her things, but they were still in the house. She and her children were gone. I did not want to leave the house the following day because I was afraid she may take my furniture, so I stayed home. While I was there she came in a van and attempted to remove some of my furniture, but she couldn't because when she came to live here, the only thing she brought was a dresser, so she took the dresser and two suitcases of her belongings, and told me some expletives and left.

I had taken out insurance for her and the children. I stopped paying them and I tried to call her to tell her to continue to pay them, but she had changed her number.

I got involved with another woman, but she was a thief. Wherever I put down money, she found it. I put money in my shoes and she found it. I put money in my Bible and she found it. She was not a Christian woman and she didn't read the Bible.

She used to cook for me, and she did everything that I asked her to do, but she was not a faithful woman. She came home from work late. When I told her I would pick her up, she told me that was not necessary; one of her co-workers will take her home. That co-worker was her lover. She even called his name by mistake when she was in bed with me. That happened twice, so I asked her to leave.

Right now I have another woman in my life, but she is much younger than me. My brother told me I am playing with fire. This girl is only 25 years old, but I love her. I don't have to tell her to make me breakfast. She gets up and she makes me breakfast before heading to work and whatever I give to her, she is satisfied. Some of my friends told me that I am robbing the cradle, but I don't care. The other women that I had did not go to church, but this girl does. I don't go with her, she goes on her own, and on Sundays before she goes out, she cooks part of the dinner, and while she is in church I finish the cooking.

Do you think I am doing anything wrong? Do you think this young girl will treat me like the other woman? I would like to send her back to school, but I am afraid that she may leave me after she has her career. Please advise me.

B.

Dear B.,

I am sorry to hear that some of the women you had in your life behaved as gold-diggers. Perhaps when you got involved with them, they saw you only as someone they can live with because you had a house, and they would not have to pay rent or anything like that. You were looking at each of them as a future wife, but they didn't see you as a husband. A woman who loves a man would willingly take care of him without him having to ask her to do favours. I am glad that these women left your house in peace.

You are concerned about the age of the woman who is presently living with you. Indeed, you are much older but I would not at all condemn you, nor would I discourage you from having a relationship with her because, by now, you should know whether her love for you is genuine. Do whatever is possible for you to do for this young woman. I hope that you won't take her for granted because she is much younger than you. Remember, she is a young girl, so don't expect her to live with you for a long time and not knowing her future. You should talk to her about these things. I wish you well.

Pastor