My wife lied that she was a virgin

Dear Pastor,

I listen to your show every night and I called you once, but I was not able to explain my problem because I got cut off. You have some very good callers. I am from the west. You have many listeners down here. Although I am 43 years old, it was only a year ago that I got married. I have three siblings; they all got married. My oldest sister introduced me to the woman I got married to. They belong to the same church.

I was fooled, because she told my sister that she was a virgin. I had told my sister that although I was a wild man, I wanted to marry a virgin. I wanted to be the first in the woman's life. So, my sister told me she knew this woman well and she has never known her to have a man. She was a Sunday-school teacher, she sang on the choir and was very active in the church.

We started to go out and I put away my badness, and we got married after one year in a small ceremony. I spent $20,000 on the ring. Another sister bought her the wedding gown. We had caterers. I was so very happy because I thought I was marrying a virgin. But on our honeymoon night, I realised that something was wrong. This woman was not a virgin. Discovering that she was not a virgin spoiled the honeymoon. I asked her why she fooled me and she said she did not try to fool me. What she knows and did not tell me was that some years ago, while she was a teenager, a young man forced her to have sex. He pushed his private parts into her vagina and pulled out. That was as far as it got. So as far as she knows, she was, and still is, a virgin. If she had said that to me, I would not have married her, and I told her so. Would you still call this woman a virgin? Don't call my name.

Initials Withheld

Dear Writer,

I would say that this woman is a deceiver. You have married, her but she deceived you by lying to you about her state. She did not have to lie. She had not committed a crime. My research has shown me that there are not many virgins around.

A young man from rural Jamaica used to call me and always said that he would like to get married, but he was looking for a virgin. One day I asked him whether he was a virgin, and he said no. I told him to cut out the foolishness. Why should the woman he wants be a virgin and he is not? He was upset with me, but frankly, I didn't care.

So my brother, although this woman deceived you by lying about her true state, you should make the very best of the situation. She may end up being a great wife to you. I do not want anybody to misunderstand me. I am sure that whether a woman is a virgin or not does not guarantee that she would be a good wife. Some of the most outstanding people in the world were not married to virgins. I could name some of them, but I won't. So my friend, if that is all the problem you are having with your wife, try to put that behind you and love your woman with all your heart and soul. Forgive her for deceiving you, and may the love for her grow stronger day by day.

Pastor