Girlfriend hates my children

Dear Pastor,

I am 26 and the father of two children. I am living with a woman but she is not my babymother.

This woman does not like my children. They live with their mother and they come to see me occasionally. According to this woman, they don't have to come to see me; they can call me on the phone. I told her that I want to see my children. She does not want me to go where they live either. The children's mother and I do not have a sexual relationship but I want to know how they are doing, and it can never be said that I don't visit them. Sometimes I call their mother and tell her to get them ready, and I take them to see to see their grandparents and to Port Royal for fish. When they are with me, they keep me updated on their lives. My girlfriend likes to make a fuss if I pick up the children and take them out. I told her that she could always come with us but she has never done it, and I don't mind, because with her around I would not be able to speak freely with my daughters.

This woman has never got pregnant. I told her that if she had a child she would be mean to children. Last Christmas I wanted my children to be with us and she said if they came, she would not stay in the house. So I told her that I would not encourage my children to come. I went to church in the morning, came home and had breakfast and took my children to my parents and stayed all day with them. I had a wonderful Christmas with my children and my parents and when I went home about 9 p.m., the lady started fussing. I told her that if she continued to fuss I would keep doing it for the new year and would not be home. When she heard what I said, she knew I was serious so she stopped talking.

Pastor, my mother said that she believed that this woman has tied me to her because the children have not done her any wrong. Why should she hate them so much? I regret that I did not marry my children's mother. She is now living with man. They met after we broke up and he and I have a very good understanding about my children. I would say that he is a very good friend. My children respect him. My girlfriend still feels that I am sleeping with my children's mother.

I have been thinking of telling her to leave but she says that she is not leaving. Please give me your advice.

B.,

Dear B.,

You will never be happy with this woman with whom you are living and you need not fool yourself.

She will not change. She is a miserable woman and you probably should consider separating from her. Take steps to end this relationship. Go and see an attorney. Don't do anything that would cause your children to hate you. Show them what love is. Take care of them. I am glad that the relationship your babymother has with this man is sound; that is how it ought to be.

This woman did not want the children to spend the Christmas with you at your house, so you did the right thing by taking them to your mother. You might have to repeat that this year. The only problem is they should spend some time with their mother before you take them out. Work that out. But leave this woman with whom you are living.

Pastor