Boyfriend thinks I am carrying a ‘jacket’

Dear Pastor,

This is the second time I am writing to you and I hope you can help me. I am 18, and during the hot summer I was at my boyfriend's house.

We stripped down and went outside. We sat on the verandah, and from there we went to the back porch. We were doing some crazy things, such as making love in the open. No one could see us. We were having fun. We only had lights on inside the house, but not on the porch. We heard people passing by, but they could not see us. We couldn't recognise them, but we heard their voices. It was the first time we were doing such crazy things.

My problem now is that I am pregnant. It was good fun, but we did not use a condom, and now my boyfriend is blaming me for being careless. What is also bothering me is that he is insisting that I should have an abortion. It is not that I want to have a child, but I know that abortion is a sin. My family told me that I should give up this child, but I don't want to do so either, because I may not be able to have another, and this guy is not cooperating with me.

I spoke to his mother about the way he is treating me and she said that she would talk to him. He is very upset because I spoke to his mother. He is attending university. I was hoping to begin university next year, but that would not be possible because of the pregnancy. Sometimes when I call him, he does not answer. He said that he is very upset, and whenever I have the baby we must do a DNA test. I know this child is his. I am not a bad girl. We were only having fun in the open.

One night we were spending the night at the home of some friends; we were keeping the house for them. They had left for the north coast; they had a pool. We went into it without any clothes just for fun. So, in the moonlight when this guy and I were having sex, it was just fun time. We went in to 'skinny dip'. Now I am crying, not because I am pregnant, but because of the way my boyfriend is reacting.

Regardless of what my boyfriend says, this child is his. He is not from a poor family, but I am. My parents, however, will not allow this child to suffer. I am still hoping to go to university, and I will never consider keeping this man. If he intends to marry me, I am going to turn down his proposal. I have had enough of him.

E.G.

Dear E.G.,

Couples do crazy things, and sometimes they look back and think about the things and laugh.

But crazy things sometimes come with grave consequences. A woman recently had to run from her house because her man was beating her. He had good reasons to believe that she was cheating. The neighbours saved her and that man has not been back to see her, but he left her with a baby.

I counselled another woman who had to run to her neighbour in her nightgown. The amazing thing about these women is that they are not young people; they are middle-age. I sympathise with your boyfriend and you. I am not sanctioning what you did, but one can excuse you. I excuse both of you because you were young and foolish. This young man who got you pregnant doesn't care. He is only pretending that he loves you. Both of you should have been more careful, but I hope that his parents would assist you after you have given birth. After the baby is born, try to get the DNA test done.

Pastor