Fiancé didn’t believe I was a virgin

Dear Pastor,

My fiance and I are preparing to get married. He is 30 and was married before. I am 23, but I have never been married.

My fiance's first marriage ended in divorce. We met when he was going through his divorce. I was praying for a husband, so I accepted him as the answer to my prayers. However, when I found out that he was divorced, I became very concerned because his marriage produced a son. I was thought at church that a person should only be married once, and if one should marry again that is wrong, and is considered a sin.

After receiving counselling on this matter, we decided to get married. My fiance is a very handsome man; everywhere we go women admire him, and he admires them also. He was the first man I slept with and he questioned whether I spoke the truth when I told him he was my first. I did not bleed much, so he wondered how could a girl who has never had sex not bleed.

I love this man, but it has taken me a while to convince him. But I spoke the truth when I told him that I never had sex and he was my first. We are planning our wedding for next Easter. I am overjoyed to know that I am going to get married. Our plan is to have two children together; both of us have good jobs. However, I am going to be doing my post-graduate studies after we are married. That should not affect our marriage because my husband has done post-graduate studies and he earns a good salary.

E.D.

Dear E.D.,

I am happy to hear that your fiance is convinced that not all women bleed a lot when they have sex for the first time. Doctors say that only about 43 per cent of women experience bleeding for during their first sexual intercourse. Sometimes the bleeding is very small and it does not last long; and some women lose their virginity apart from having sex.

You mentioned about your church and the teaching that it is a sin to divorce and remarry. That is something that some people have believed for many generations, and that discussion will go on for many more years to come. I am glad that you have crossed over that border, so to speak.

I wish you every success as you and your fiance plan to get married.

Pastor