Jealous boyfriend thought my cousin wanted me

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 years old and I always read your column. I have learned a lot. I have a boyfriend, but he is very jealous.

He does not want to see me talk to other guys, and I told him that I can't live that way. My boyfriend even accused me of having a sexual relationship with my first cousin. I did not know that he would think that I would have sex with my first cousin. My cousin came to the house and was assisting me with mathematics, and I was standing very close to him when my boyfriend came in. After my cousin left, my boyfriend asked why he was standing so close. I told him that I wasn't paying any attention and that we are cousins and my mother is at the house, so nothing could go on. He told me that I should not let my cousin come back to the house. So I told him that he was crazy. We had an argument because I called him ignorant and stupid. My boyfriend took my virginity when I was 16 and he is the only man I have had sex with. I have never even observed my cousin having an erection when he was close to me. So I do not know why my boyfriend is thinking that way.

My boyfriend used to have a girlfriend and when we became friends, he left her for me and I respect that. I don't even ask him about her any more. My goal is to become a nurse, but I need mathematics. I have a US visa, and my father wants me to come and spend Thanksgiving with him and his wife. But my boyfriend doesn't want me to go. He feels that I would find another man in the US. But, Pastor, I don't have to go to the US to find another man. I can find one right here because everywhere I go, men call to me.

My mother told me that I haven't seen my father for a long time and I have never met his wife, so I should take the trip. I believe that I am going to visit, but when I saw this big 24-year-old man crying and telling me not to go to visit my father, I am wondering what I should really do.

Z.T.

Dear Z.T,

You have a very silly boyfriend and he will have to learn to trust you. I am sure that you told him that your goal is to become a nurse, and as a nurse you will have to interact with many people.

This includes men, and you will not fall in love with every man you meet. You are going to have to work long hours before going home. So when you are at work, what will your boyfriend be thinking? He needs to grow up.

Concerning your father who has invited you to spend Thanksgiving with him in the US, you need to go and be with him. You have never met his wife. I am sure that they would be happy to have you. This silly man is shedding crocodile tears'. You are not going away forever, and you are not planning to go and get involved with another man. You are quite correct. If you wanted another man, you would not have to travel to the US. You are correct, men are all over Jamaica. I hope that you have not stopped your cousin from coming to your house. Perhaps your boyfriend thinks that he can push you around because you are young and you love him. Some men believe that because they can assist a woman, she has to do what they want her to do. So don't get scared of this man, nor give him the impression that you do not have a mind of your own.

Pastor