Girlfriend has her 14-y-o daughter in our bed

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you about a problem. I am 40 years old. Two years ago I started a relationship with a woman. She has a 14-year-old daughter who sleeps on the same bed with her.

When our relationship started to develop, I asked what would happen when I visit her and want to stay over. She said she would let her daughter know that she would have to stay in the other room. I told her that would be alright with me.

My girlfriend lost her job and I took over paying her rent, which meant that I was paying two rents. Whenever I visited her, her daughter was still sleeping with her. She told me it is not easy for her daughter to sleep alone because she has been sleeping with her for many years. I told her it would be better for her to come and stay with me. I knew that she would not agree, because she wouldn't want to leave her daughter alone in the apartment.

One night, I decided to go to visit her and the daughter was not in bed with her. I felt happy. We made love and as soon as we were finished having sex, I went into the bathroom and came back and fell asleep. My girlfriend fell asleep also. She only had a sheet over her, but her daughter came in to the room and got on the bed. I was very angry, so I got dressed and left. This girl told me that she was not even aware that her daughter came on the bed. How could that be? The daughter knew that I was visiting. This is not a child; she is 14 years old.

I told my girlfriend we will have to part. I want her for myself; I don't want her daughter in the bed. She said I don't have to touch the daughter if she is lying down with us in bed. It is not a matter of touching the daughter, I don't feel free. Why should her daughter see my private part, especially when I am having an erection?

I really love this woman. She keeps a clean house and she is not miserable, but I am uncomfortable having her 14-year-old daughter sleeping with us. My girlfriend is accustomed to walking around naked when her daughter is at home. She said that is how she grew up; she used to see her mother naked all the time, so her daughter could see her in bed naked. I don't want to leave this woman, but if she does not change and learn to control her teenage daughter, it is better for me to go, because if I touch her daughter, she will lie on me and report to the police that I have interfered with her. And that is far from my mind. So Pastor, give me your advice, please.

S.M.

Dear S.M.,

I think you have a right to be concerned. Your girlfriend has to make up her mind whether she wants you in the house and for you to continue assisting her in the rent and other utilities, or she wants you to leave. She is not in a position to pay her rent, so she should listen to you and try to please you in every way.

A 14-year-old girl should not be sleeping on the same bed with her mother, especially when she knows that her mother's man is at the house. You are not accustomed to having a grown child in the same bed with her mother. She should stay in her room. You should make it absolutely clear to your woman that you will not continue the relationship with her if her daughter has to sleep with her. She is very fortunate to have you helping her. Why is she spoiling the relationship by allowing her daughter to be in the same bed?

Protect yourself, Sir. You may have to give your woman an ultimatum if she continues to do her own thing. You should tell her that you are leaving after such and such time, so she should pay all her bills.

Pastor