My helper took my virginity

Dear Pastor,

I am 29 and I got married two years ago. My wife is 21. I have been having sex since I was 15. It started with my helper. One day she went to the bathroom, then she called me to the door and asked me if I had ever seen a big woman naked.

She showed me herself and I was so surprised. I turned my face away. She said that for the four years she had been working with us, she always looked at me and would like to have sex with me. I went into my room and closed the door. She came to my room and said that she did not know that I was such a chicken.

When I went to school the following day, I told some of my friends. They laughed at me and said I should have had sex with her, because she offered. So I told them that if she offered again, I would do it. About a week later, my parents were not home and I was the only one there with her. She asked me if I was ready to have sex with her. She said she hadn't had sex for months because her boyfriend was away on the farm work programme. I didn't answer. She came back after I went to the bathroom and she started to play with me. She took my virginity. She told me I would always remember her because she was my first. We had sex every week and I started to look forward to it.

When I turned 16, she told me that she would give me a special treat. That weekend she should have been off, but she did not leave the house. My parents went to see a friend. This lady and I spent a long time doing all sorts of things. She even introduced me to oral sex. My father suspected that she had sex with me, and he told my mother she should pay much attention to how this woman related to me. My parents eventually fired her, but over something else. It was after she left that I got a girlfriend. When I tried to have sex with her, she was surprised. She told me that she was a virgin. I told her I was not. She tried to get me to tell her which girl I had sex with, but I didn't tell her.

My wife and I have two children. She knows everything about me. I told her how I started to have sex, so she does not want a babysitter. She doesn't trust me with any helper. I know what I did was wrong, and I know I should not have told my wife about my past. She does not believe that I am a changed man, but I am. But occasionally, the former helper calls me and tells me that she still loves me, and asks if I will still make love to her. I threatened that I will tell her man that she cheated on him. But I will never do it and she knows that. My wife doesn't like oral sex, but I forced her to do it because I got into it and I can't stop. That is the only thing that would cause me to go to another woman.

O.W.

Dear O.W.,

Some parents are not even aware that helpers have become involved with their sons. Many helpers have been the first to have sex with their employers' sons.

Some parents seem to always look at their sons as children and they fail to realise that these boys are growing up. Sometimes when they are awake, it is the helpers who see them early in the mornings before the parents, and they see them with erections, because it is natural for young men to wake in the morning with erections.

Sometimes when women are working as live-in helpers, they are not able to go home on their days off, so they stay and they introduce sex to their employers' children. Some boys are excited over that. Many are not afraid to take on these women. I am not saying that boys will never report these helpers to their parents, but that is rarely done.

You are now married and you told your wife what you did with the former helper; now she doesn't trust you to be around any helper. I can only say she is correct. I am telling you, sir, do not be foolish. Don't allow your desire to have oral sex very often destroy your marriage. This former helper who is now married should stay with her husband. Whenever she calls you, don't get into that conversation with her. In fact, it would be wise for you to block her number.

Pastor