Mean ex-boyfriend said he wants me back

Dear Pastor,

I am 30 years old and I am a graduate of The University of the West Indies. I have spoken to you before and you have given me good encouragement.

I have had great struggles in life and you told me not to give up. When I met you, I had a boyfriend. He abused me in many different ways. He knew that I was from a poor family and he was in a better position. He said he loved me, but he did not show me much love. What he loved was to have sex with me, and he wanted it all the time.

My parents didn't have much to give me. My father thought I was wasting my time and that I should seek a job. So all my boyfriend did was to put me on my back (you know what I mean) two or three times per week. If I complained, he told me that I didn't have to come back. So I learned not to complain much because I had needs, and not just my lunch money.

SAYS HE HAS CHANGED

One of my friends who was also attending university, told me I was too smart to be a fool, so I shouldn't just allow my boyfriend to use me. She told me to keep another man with him. I did so, but it didn't last because I was afraid that my boyfriend would find out, and I did not want to feel like a prostitute. I couldn't even cope with my boyfriend, much less to have another man in my life.

My boyfriend became very close to my mother and that was the best thing that he did, because my mother told him that the kind of money he was giving me was not enough for a girl who was going to university. I was only getting $12,000 from my boyfriend and if I wanted more, I had to sleep with him. So sometimes I only slept at my parents' house twice per week. I spent the rest of the week with my boyfriend. He was such a hard man. If I told him that I was having my period, I had to prove it.

I graduated from university and I got a job. But the job did not pay me enough, so I left that job and got another. I also left my boyfriend and got pregnant for my manager's son. I aborted that pregnancy. Now, my first boyfriend wants me back. He says that he has changed. I told him that I did not want him back because I could not forget that he did not treat me right. But as I think about it, Pastor, he is still the best man that I have ever had. I don't think that I should go back to him. But he is waiting on me for an answer. He is still not living with anyone.

Please give me your advice.

R.D.

Dear R.D.,

It is unfortunate that you aborted your pregnancy. I am sure that looking back, you may regret doing so. You have never got married, but I am sure you would love to.

You have not said what work the man who wants you back does, but if he wants you back and you still love him, tell him that you would like both of you to go to see a counsellor, and see whether that can help both of you.

Your girlfriend did not give you a good advice, but I am glad that you realise that it is not good to have several men in your life simultaneously. Your former boyfriend gave you $12,000.

I am assuming that was per week. That is not a lot of money, but it is better than nothing.

I am sure you would love to have a family, so if this guy is serious about you, don't ignore what he says. Talk to him, and both of you go and see a counsellor.

Pastor