Teenage lover talked out our business

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 years old and I have been reading your column before I started attending high school. I am from a poor family but my parents saw to it that I attended school.

I grew up with my uncle and his wife. My uncle was very rough but he never ill-treated me. My aunt used to tell him that he spoiled me because, when I misbehaved and she complained to him about me, he never beat me. He used to scold me and tell me that I must listen to my aunt because she meant me well.

Pastor, my aunt was always jealous of me because whatever I asked uncle for, he gave to me. When I was 19, my aunt found out that I had sex with one of the guys in the area. I never thought that he would tell anybody that we had sex, but he told one of his friends and the news spread. He felt that he had made a great discovery, because people used to say that I was too proud and 'boasy'. So the guys that he told about us congratulated him.

When my aunt heard, she told my uncle, but I denied it to the ground. I told my uncle that the guy lied. My aunt went as far as to take me to the doctor to find out if I was still a virgin. My uncle told her that he didn't have money to waste, but if I went and had sex with that young man he would be very disappointed. I had made up my mind that, if they were going to take me to the doctor, I was going to leave and find another place to live. My aunt cursed me for about a week.

'GOD BLESS YOU'

One day, I saw my aunt searching the basket that we put soiled clothes in, and I suspected that she was trying to determine if I left my underwear in the basket. But whatever clothes I had on when I had sex was already washed. My aunt does not have any children for my uncle. Recently, my aunt and I have become very good friends because she is not well and I have to be looking after her and I am so proud to be able to do so. She is always telling me "God bless you".

I have a boyfriend now and he is a good man. My aunt and uncle like him. My uncle has a garage and sometimes he goes to the garage and assists him. He said he would like to learn the trade. I am going back to evening school and he is helping to pay the fees. I have made my mistakes but I am trying my best to live a respectable life. My aunt asked me to forgive her for the way she treated me. I told her I do not hold anything against her. My boyfriend heard what was said about me but we have never discussed it.

N.L.

Dear N.L.,

I have often said that everyone makes mistakes. You have made your mistakes but you are fortunate that your uncle loves you and that he has tried to protect you.

Even when his wife complained about you, he stood up for you, whether you were right or wrong. You got involved with a very silly young man. He should not have told anyone what both of you did as lovers. He did not know how to control his lips. There are so many young men who are just like him; they chat too much. They say what they should not say.

I am glad that you are able to assist your aunt now that she is not well. Do your very best for her. Continue to go to school, work hard and you will achieve what you set out to do. Please, let me hear from you again.

Pastor