In love with a man twice my age

Dear Pastor,

I am a 21-year-old female and I am about to be married. I am in love with a man who is twice my age, and my father agrees with the relationship.

But my mother told me I should wait. She told me that because there is a young man in my community who comes from a middle-class family, and who has loved me from the time I was a teenager. My mother has been encouraging me to love him. This man asked me to marry him, but I don't love him. He can give me anything I want. But I don't feel anything for this man.

My mother tells me that I am a fool. My boyfriend, who is twice my age, is a hard worker. When I am with him, I feel very comfortable. If I ask him for any money and he doesn't have it to give me at that time, he tells me when I can get it. He does not waste money. He bought a piece of land and is building a house for us.

My mother is a hypocrite. Whenever she sees him, she shows him a good face, but when he is gone, she criticises him. For that reason, I don't tell my mother anything about him; I talk to my father. My father is a builder, so he is helping my boyfriend to build the house. I love my mother, but I am glad we are building the house 20 miles away from her.

My boyfriend is of dark complexion. My mother told me that he is too black. I am sure my boyfriend would hate her if I should tell him that she said that about him. My mother said our children will turn out very black, because we are both black. But this is the man I love and I will not make his age be a bother to me, either.

I always tell myself that I would like to marry the man who took my virginity. He brought me my Valentine's gift and one Valentine's Day, we were out together. He gave me my gift and I told him I was happy we made love. I am wearing a very expensive ring that he bought in America. We plan to marry in 2024 on my birthday.

I have a sister who is living at home, and she is still saying that she is not ready to be married. My father says he is proud of me because I have held my head on my pillow and I have not got pregnant.

C.L.

Dear C.L.,

Your fiance is 21 years your senior, but evidently he is a very ambitious man. He is building a house and your father is working with him. Your father knows that he is a good man.

It is unfortunate that the reason your mother has given for not liking him is his complexion; it has nothing to do with his character. I hope the day will come when she will change, and embrace him as a part of the family. I also hope that you will seek to get a career, so that you will work with this man and build a very strong family life with him.

It would be a wonderful thing if the house that your fiance is building would be completed so that you can move in soon after you are married. I hope that you will not have an elaborate wedding. Try your best not to put yourself in any unnecessary debt for your wedding day.

Your mother should know that it is wrong for her to choose the man you should marry. His complexion should not have anything to do with his character. Shame on your mother for believing that you would do better by marrying a man of lighter complexion.

Pastor