I want to make ‘good soup’ with my cousin

Dear Pastor

I am a 26-year-old man and I am friendly with a woman who is 24.

I went to do business at an office and she was the receptionist. She was very polite and helpful. When I was about to leave, I asked her for her number and she told me that it was against company rules to give me her private number, but I could always call her during working hours. I gave her my number and told her that she should call me and I left.

About a week after, she called. She said she was following up on what I came to her office to do. I knew it had to be more than that because she called me about 8 p.m. and during the conversation, she wanted to know if I was alone. I told her that I live alone. The next question was “Where is your girlfriend?” I told her I did not have a girlfriend. We talked for a long time and then we decided to meet.

I am from rural Jamaica; a real country man. She grew up in Kingston and went to high school and college there.

We went out. The little money I earned that week was spent on taking her out. I hired a taxi and picked her up and I told the taxi man that I would call him when we were ready. Our first date went very well. But I am writing to you because I have found myself loving this girl. When I told my eldest sister about her, she told me that that relationship is not going to work because she appears to be the daughter of one of our uncles. That uncle and our father didn’t get along because he got himself into trouble with the law. Our father didn’t want to have anything to do with him. So, we never visited him and our father did not invite him to our home.

My sister warned me not to have sex with that girl because to do so is to create problems for myself.

This girl and I went out again, but this time I questioned her deeply and I found out that we are truly related by blood. She does not know her father. Her mother told her that he never supported her and that he went to prison. But she told me that she loves me, and if I love her, nothing should stop us from having a relationship.

My heart is broken because this is a very attractive young woman who is very intelligent.

My sister said that if we should get married and have children, they may not turn out to be very healthy. I want to find out from you if that is true. Would that be considered incest, as my sister said?

V.

Dear V.,

I have always discouraged couples who are near relatives to be intimate. It was allowed in the early days of man in the creation, but it was stopped. The Bible says such type of intimacy was forbidden because of bad genes. Those who violated that law produce children who suffer physically. So your sister has a right to caution you. However, I am thinking of a certain people in the country who married close relatives and it does not seem to have affected them adversely.

Young man, although you have got to the place where you love this young woman and she loves you, it is not too late for you to stop this relationship. I know that there are going to be some people condemning me for discouraging you in loving this girl. But whether having sex with each other can be considered incest or not, both of you can be very good friends as relatives, but nothing more. But I go further; have your sister and father meet with this woman for a family talk. You and this woman would learn a lot. I wish both of you well.

Pastor

Editor’s note: Under Jamaican law, a man who has sexual intercourse with a woman he knows to be his granddaughter, daughter, sister or mother commits the offence of incest, which is punishable by up to five years’ imprisonment with hard labour. If the female is under 12 years old, the maximum sentence increases to 16 years’ imprisonment with hard labour.

A cousin is not included among the list of persons who can be charged for incest.