My fiancé could not wait until marriage to eat the forbidden fruit

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and I am engaged to be married. My fiancé and I have rented a two- bedroom place.

Our wedding is to take place in a few weeks. He did not want to wait until we are married to seek a place because I would love to leave my parents’ home a week or two before our wedding. We have been buying the necessary things to move in together as soon as we are married. We have bought a bed, a refrigerator and a stove. We are Christians, just like our landlord and his wife. They told us that is why they have rented the place to us.

After putting up our bed, we started fooling around with each other; you know what I mean. I have not had sex for two years. My fiancé confessed to me that even after becoming a Christian, he had sex with a couple of girls, but it was only casual sex. But it was the first time my fiancé and I were attempting to have sex. I was nervous and it was not something we were prepared to do that evening.

I am not a virgin, so I could not understand why my fiancé could not insert his penis in my vagina. I thought he was too large for me, but I looked at him and I said to myself “No, he doesn’t seem to be large.” So I said to him, “I wonder if my vagina is too small.”

Without asking for my permission, my fiancé went down on me and gave me oral sex. I had an orgasm, then he inserted his penis in me with ease. I could not tell anybody what we did. After that, we had sex a few times and I did not have a problem taking in his penis. We have always used the condom except that first time. My fiancé said I should not allow what we did to bother me because in a few weeks, we will be married.

I am so glad that nothing is wrong with me. I am not too small for him, and he is not too large for me. At least this man knows that I have a vagina and he is not buying puss in bag (excuse my language, Pastor). Do you consider having sex with my fiancé as fornication, although we will be married in a few weeks time ? I would like to hear your comments.

J.

Dear J.,

I can only tell you what the Bible says – that sex outside of marriage is fornication.

It does not say that it is alright if you were to get married one week before the marriage date. It does not excuse any couple. So I am not at liberty to tell you that your fiancé and you did not fornicate when you had sex, or that you are not fornicating now if both of you continue to have sexual intercourse.

But I must comment on the experience that you mentioned. I would like you to know that it is not unusual for a woman to have painful sexual intercourse even if she is not a virgin. Her vagina muscles could have tightened up because she was not relaxed and very fearful of what was about to take place. Sometimes a woman can become so tight that her man might question whether she is indeed too small for him and that he is too large.

You have not said whether this man and you are going through premarital counselling. I hope that you are. I wish you much happiness as you plan your marriage. May you have many years together.

Pastor