Hoping my parents will get back together

Dear Pastor,

I am 16. Ever since I became a teenager, my mother told me that, when I turn 16, she and my father would have a sweet 16 birthday party for me, so I was looking forward to it.

My parents broke up a year ago, so I was living with my father until he brought in his girlfriend. My mother used to accuse my father of having this woman and he always denied it, but they had a big fight, and my father told her to leave. So, she did. My parents were not married, but he used to take good care of her and me.

My father was always a wild man, but a loving man. After my mother left, it only took a few months for another woman to move in. The house belongs to my grandparents who are living abroad. This woman treats me well and my father listens to everything she says. He says he wants to change and settle down.

When my mother was here, she knew everything my father gave me, but he does not give this woman any money to give me; he gives me the money directly. When I asked my father about my sweet 16 birthday party, he told me I should not bother about that because he had to spend some money. He told me that he could give me his credit card to take my friends to a restaurant, or he could get somebody to roast some fish and jerk some chicken on the next holiday, and I could invite my friends.

My mother asked me why my birthday party was cancelled and I told her what my father said. She said my father took the money and gave it to women. I could not tell my father that, but he said he would not disappoint me. I was looking forward to my birthday party and to receive gifts from my friends. My father said that he is planning to buy a house and he saw one. He took me to look at it. It is in the hills overlooking Kingston. I love the place and he said that that house is going to be for him and me, if I continue to behave myself. The house is very expensive.

My father said that he doesn’t want to move the woman into that house. He wants to get married to a Christian woman. I am confused because my father is not a Christian. I would like to see my parents get back together but this woman is in the way. My father told my mother some dirty things, so she says that she does not want to have anything to do with him. I would like her to be at the party my father is planning for me, but she says that she is not coming around if the other woman will be there.

I told my mother that, if she does not come to the party, I will tell my father that we should not plan it. I will not take pictures with this woman because she can never take the place of my mother. Do you think I am wrong?

L.

Dear L.,

I am sorry to hear that you were not able to celebrate with your friends on your 16th birthday.

You were disappointed, but your father is trying to make amends by promising to have a party for you. I suggest that you go for it. It seems to me that your father means well but he has not been able to control himself when it comes to women. It didn’t take him long to move another woman into the house after he broke up with your mother. She treats you well but she can never take your mother’s place.

I can understand why you wouldn’t want this woman to be at the event and why your mother wouldn’t want to be there either. Whenever you have saved enough money from what your father gives you, take your mother to a nice restaurant and have a mother-and-daughter dinner, so to speak. I am sure she would love that.

Concerning the house your father is hoping to purchase, please encourage him to do so. It would be great if he keeps his word and that house would indeed be for the both of you. He does not love the woman he is living with to marry her, so, although he says he wants to change, this woman will not be a part of his life. So, work with your father and don’t say anything negative about the woman. But please do not ignore your mother. I wish you well.

Pastor