My boyfriend makes me unhappy

Dear Pastor,

I have a concern and I am seeking to get your advice. I am in a relationship for two and a half years. This person was someone I wanted to get a child with, and to build a future with, but that is not my desire any more.

I am 31 years old and my spouse is very jealous. Even if I am speaking to a male friend I grew up with, he is upset. He doesn't want me to have any male friends; not even my male cousins. I find it strange, because for so many years I have been used to socialising with guys, especially those with whom I grew up.

This man tries to control my social life and I am not happy about it. It is like he wants me for himself. Every time I assert that he can't manipulate me into severing ties with my childhood companions, he responds with the phrase, "This is precisely why I'm wary of girls like you; girls like you can't be trusted."

Recently, I went to a party where I spoke to some people I know. I returned to where he was and he pushed me. I was so embarrassed. When I went into the car, we had a fight and he punched me in my face. I have a black eye for about a week now. I have to be lying to my daughter about how I come to have a black eye.

I told my boyfriend to leave, but he's still here. Honestly, I want to end this relationship because I have worked very hard and I am not happy. I barely go out. All I want is to be happy and be with someone who can help me grow my daughter in the right way.

My boyfriend can be nice at times. He is very helpful around the house. He makes the place feel like a man is living here. He cooks at times, he cleans all the shoes, and he cleans the house. He's very clean. When I am drained after work, he will help my daughter with her homework and stuff. However, he is too jealous and I don't think that he is going to change. He has a nasty temper and it is very hard to deal with him.

I am unhappy, and even my sex drive is affected. I have no feelings to have sex with him. I have talked to him multiple times about his behaviour.

K.

Dear K.,

It is not my wish to destroy relationships. However, I cannot encourage any woman to remain with a man who is disrespectful, cruel and abusive to her. You said that you asked this man to leave and he hasn't left. I think you are trying to say that the house in which he lives with you belongs to you. Well, I am going to say to you that if this man does not leave, you should pack his belongings and throw him out. You may have to get the help of the police to do so.

A lawyer will gladly instruct you how to go about this matter, but this man has to go. These guys who always like to hit women in their face are trying to disfigure them. They are out of order, and they are weak. They do not like women who are capable of talking to them straight.

This man doesn't want you to keep male friends; I repeat, throw him out. Talk to a lawyer about your situation. You are not a slave. He has no right trying to control you.

Pastor

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