Dad doesn’t want my boyfriend as a son-in-law

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old and I am living with a man who got me pregnant. My father doesn't like him. He said that he has done checks on my boyfriend, who smokes and drinks, and has concluded that he has no ambition.

My boyfriend came to pick me up some months ago and he saw some men under our mango tree playing dominoes. He never met my father, so he said, 'hello' and then asked for me. When I came out, I told my father that I will be back very soon.

When I returned home my father asked who was the guy, and I told him that he was my boyfriend. He said I was out of order to make a man whom he did not know come to the yard and pick me up. He said that the men who were playing dominoes with him were mocking him and saying that his daughter seems to be a big woman became a man came to the yard and picked me up. My mother agreed with my father. She said that the guy could've introduced himself to her.

Pastor, I am not a bad girl. I love my parents and I have done well in school. This was the first and only man that I have had sex with. Unfortunately, he got me pregnant, and that was due to my carelessness. I have asked my parents for forgiveness. My father said he doesn't want to see me with a bastard child, so I can go my way with my belly. He told me that he prefers not to see me in his house, so I left and I am now living with my boyfriend.

My father is an elder in the church we attend. I asked another elder to talk to my parents on my behalf. The elder tried, but my father said he doesn't want my boyfriend as a son-in-law.

My father is hard, because this guy did not rape me. Both of us had sex and I got pregnant. I would love to go back home because I am not comfortable where I am.

Would you be willing to meet with me, my boyfriend and parents? My parents have respect for you and they will listen to you.

A.

Dear A.,

You are 21 years old. As I understand what you are saying, your father is upset with you for a couple of reasons. One, he thinks that you have chosen the wrong partner. The man is a smoker and your father does not want a smoker in his family. Two, he does not consider the young man to have manners, although I think your parents blew the act of him coming to pick you up out of proportion.

I am sorry your father has caused you to leave home. I will be quite willing to meet with you, your parents and the young man. I would ask your parents to allow you to return home and to forgive you for the mistake that you have made.

Pastor