Mother never told me anything about menstruation

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column every week. I am living in the US and your column keeps me up to date on my country. When I was a girl, my parents didn't teach us about certain things. I was never told that there would come a time that I should expect my period. Yet my mother was such a good woman. She took very good care of us. My father was very stern, so as girls, we were afraid of him. I can't say that he ever abused us, but he was also very rough.

I had a cousin and she and I were in class together. One day I felt something coming down on me and I told her. We went to the bathroom, and she said I was having my period. It was so good that she was with me on that day. She helped me to clean up myself. I could not go back to class, because my uniform was all messed up. She told the teacher that I had to go home. He asked her if I was experiencing 'that thing' and she told him yes.

She accompanied me home. My mother was not there. When my mother came home and I told her what happened, I asked her why she never told me that that would happen to me. She said a mother would not remember everything to talk to a girl about. But she said I must be careful with boys because they would get me pregnant.

My cousin had to go and buy sanitary napkins for me and showed me how to use them. I was 11 years old. I have two girl children and I told them that the time was going to come when they would experience their period. They were very young when I told them, so it was not a big surprise when it happened.

I told a friend years ago what happened to me, and she said that she grew up with her father, and when her period came, he went out and bought sanitary napkins for her and showed her how to use them. I asked her if she was embarrassed to have her father showing her how to use sanitary napkins. One of my daughters has short periods; in three days it is all over, and she does not suffer much discomfort. But my other daughter's periods are long; her periods last up to five or six days.

I read in your column recently that some couples have sex while the women are seeing their periods. To me that is not good. A man should not force his woman to have sex at that time. You gave a good answer to the couple. I have encouraged my children to read your column because they will gain knowledge from it.

D.A.

Dear D.A.,

I thank you for writing. Some parents are careless, and some are neglectful. Your mother admitted that she was neglectful. She did not tell you about things that were essential when you were growing up. Perhaps there were many other things on her mind, such as having enough money to take care of the home and paying bills.

I am glad that your cousin was with you in class, and she was able to assist you when you had your first period experience. Your mother did not empathise with you, but rather used the occasion to warn you about getting pregnant. However, that is often the action that some mothers take when they realise that their daughters have had periods.

As you know, it is natural for a woman to see her menses, and mothers should not make it difficult for the daughters during that time. It is a natural process.

You have been a wise mother. It is indeed your responsibility to tell your daughters about the development of their bodies and what they should expect, and how to protect themselves. Thank you for writing, and continue to be a good mother.

Pastor