Girlfriend isn’t ready to get pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am a 27-year-old man and I have never been married, but I have fallen in love with a girl who is 21. She had her boyfriend, but they broke up. She is living with me.

When I met her, she told me that she had lost her baby. The babyfather did not believe that she lost it; he believed that she threw away the belly. I believe that she lost the pregnancy.

I was living with my grandparents and I took her to meet with them. When my father questioned her, he realised that he and her father knew each other. He told me she could stay with us. She was not working, so she helped my grandmother until she was able to get over this guy who broke up with her. When we started to have sex, she used to stop and cry and say that she did not think that she would meet another guy who would love her.

She got a job at a gas station and when she got her pay, she brought her payslip and showed me. We opened an account together and we have been moving along. I would like to get this girl pregnant, but right now she does not want that. She wants us to go on for another two years before she gets pregnant, but I am eager to have a child. Soon I will be 28 years old, and my mother, who is living abroad, says that it is time for me to give her a grandchild. This guy my girlfriend used to live with is still scandalising her name and telling people that she threw away the belly, and it is really upsetting her. I have been thinking of calling him and putting him in his place. Do you think that I should do so?

Initials Withheld

Dear Writer,

You do not have to call this young man. He will eventually stop what he is doing. This young woman and you are now lovers. Both of you should try and build a good and solid relationship. Whether she is lying to you or not, you have accepted her as your woman; work with her. She is not interested in getting pregnant again right now; accept that. Having a child does not prove love.

Both of you have decided to save together. It might be advisable for both of you to sit with a family counsellor, because as I see it, this woman needs to undergo therapy.

Pastor