One of my former clients wants to marry me

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old, and something is bothering me that I would like to share with you. I grew up in a depressed area, and having sex with the men in the area was common.

I was forced to do it a few times. When my mother realised that I had become sexually active, she spoke to me about it. At that time I was over 16. She told me that she was going to send me to stay with my uncle. I did not like my uncle's wife, so I told her I did not want to go. My mother did not argue or fuss; she said she would have to get me out of the area because she didn't want anybody to spoil me.

One day, one of the men in the area who was not the 'don', sent a message to me to meet him at a certain place. I told my mother about it and my mother packed my two bags and sent me to stay with a cousin; my brother took me there. We had to wait for a long time. My cousin and his girlfriend came and they told my brother he could stay for the night. My cousin's girlfriend was in my age group. My brother and I had to share the same bed; I did not like the settings. But what I was running from is what I ran into, because my cousin got one of his friends to become intimate with me, and I became his sex machine. It would have been better if my mother had kept me home. Whenever he wanted to have sex with me and I told him no, he forced me. So I called my mother and told her to come for me.

My mother lied and told the people in the area that I had gone to America, so I couldn't go back home. My mother got a job with a lady in the market whose daughter was looking for a babysitter, so I dropped out of school and was babysitting her daughter's child. This woman's husband harassed me every day for sex until I gave in to him. He called me his secret lover and he paid me extra money every time we had sex. His babymother didn't know what we were doing. One day I told him I could not take it any more, so I was leaving.

I started to 'beat the street' and to stay with some of the other girls who were doing the same. I did not hide it from my mother. This guy who had sex with me all the time found out that I became a prostitute. He used to pass by where I stood with the other girls, and he paid me to have sex with him in his car. He paid me more than what the other girls made, so I shared the money with them.

I am now in church and one of the men who was my regulars told me that he is in love with me and wants us to get married. I don't feel clean enough to marry this guy. But he said that he will not stop until I agree.

Initial Withheld

Dear Writer,

You cannot do anything about your past. Your mother tried your best to get you out of the situation in which you have found yourself.

As you know, it is not unusual for many girls who are living in certain areas to be called upon by dons and men who think that they are in control of the area to have sex with them, especially when they know that the parents of these girls are not able to fully support them.

You went from place to place after your mother tried to take you out from the area. I gather from what you have said that some miracle took place in your life and now you are no longer engaged in prostitution. One of the guys who used to have sex with you is also a changed man, and now he wants to marry you.

I would suggest that you do not turn this man down, and that both of you make contact with a counsellor and go for premarital counselling. After that, plan a wedding. Put the past behind you. I also would urge you to try to get some education, perhaps you should consider HEART/NSTA Trust.

Pastor