My boyfriend can’t satisfy me in bed

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 and I have two children. One is for my ex and the other is with my present boyfriend. My former boyfriend was a great lover. I would have remained with him if I could have taken his lovemaking to buy groceries for the house and purchase cooking gas when it ran out. The big problem was we were paying rent and what he was giving me wasn’t enough, so I had to hustle on the side. When I say hustle, I had to hustle hard. That is why I have ended up with my current boy with whom I am living.

When it comes to loving or foreplay, this man doesn’t know anything about that. But he treats me well and pays the bills. I don’t have to worry about JPS cutting off the power. I pay a partner and he gives me the money to pay it every week. Since I met him, he has never taken a draw from me. I take the money and can do whatever I want with it. He is also good to his parents. He takes the responsibility of taking his grandmother to the doctor and making sure that her prescription is filled.

But I am tired talking to him. When it comes to the bedroom, he doesn’t have any patience. When he wants sex, he may kiss me and he is ready. I try to get him to understand that many times I am not ready, but all he wants to do is to slam and put his stuff where it should go. Before I can sneeze, he ejaculates. Often I tell myself that I miss my ex boyfriend. But I could not keep him because while I was with him, I had to be cheating on him and that is why I have ended up with this man because he was always willing to assist me financially. So, I left my ex because I did not want him to find out that I started dating other men, because this current man was not the only man I went out with.

Pastor, I don’t want you to feel that I am a bad girl, but I have to tell you the truth. Many times I feel for good loving. But I have to remind myself that good loving does not pay bills. Whenever I tell my boyfriend that I need more, he tells me to close my eyes and go to bed. I don’t want to cheat on him. He is a wonderful father. He takes care of the two children although the first child is not his. Please for your advice.

E.

Dear E.,

I thank you for your letter. I believe you have written from your heart and what you are complaining about is what many women are experiencing.

They say that their men are not romantic. They do not engage in foreplay. However, I should also say that there are women who do not like to engage in foreplay. I believe I have mentioned in this column before the story of an educated woman. I say educated because she is indeed an educated woman and I don’t want some people to believe that because a person is educated that they would like certain things. Well, this educated woman told me that she does not like to engage in foreplay. To put it in her words, she said she doesn’t like any man playing with her body; if the man is going to have sex with her, just do it, don’t waste time. I said “Really?” and she said yes. But women in general don’t like men who jump on, do their thing, so to speak, and jump off.

The typical woman wants a man who would engage in foreplay and gets her in the mood and cause her to feel satisfied. Your ex-lover was good in that area but he was unable to pay the bills. As a result of his failure to do that, you went out and gave to other men what you should not have given them. Hence, you met this man. He can give you the money, but he is unable to satisfy you in bed. He thinks you are greedy.

I suggest that you quietly tell this man how much you love him, but both of you should go and see a family counsellor because he comes up very short in the bedroom works. I hope he would not take that as an insult. Both of you need to decide which counsellor you need to go and see. Please, don’t yield to the temptation of going out with another man.

Pastor