Married my late husband’s mechanic

Dear Pastor,

I have been married for 20 years. This is my second husband. My first husband died in a motor car collision.

He was a fine man. After he died, I became ill. It took me a long time to recover and then I met my present husband who was my husband's mechanic. He did everything for me, but he did not charge me. After a while, I suspected that he loved me. He used to take my car and service it without charging me even for the oil that he put in it. When I knew he was going to bring the car, I would cook dinner and leave some for him. He told me he lived alone.

One day he asked me if he could stay over and I told him yes. I told him "You don't have any clothes." He said he would go home and get some. I told him he didn't have to do that. I took out a pair of pyjamas that I had for my deceased husband; they were new. I also took out underpants. He showered and put on the pyjamas and I told him that he looked like my husband in them. We watched the news together on television and then I went off to bed. I showed him the room where he could sleep.

About midnight, this man came into my room and sat down on my bed. I asked him what was the matter and he said he wanted to talk to me; he could not keep it in any more. He said he had been admiring me and he wanted to know if we could be friends. I told him we are already friends, but he said he didn't mean it that way. I told him I am an old woman and he is 20 years younger. I told him to go back to bed and we would talk about it another time. He left. But in the morning, I gave him breakfast and he drove my car to work. When he came back, he raised the argument again and I told him that I was thinking about it all day. I told him that I have a friend who is in his age group, so I would introduce her to him, but he said he wanted me. The argument went on for a long time and I told myself I would try this man.

My first husband and I were living together for many years, so no other man had ever seen me naked since we got married. I have my own house that is fully paid for. I am a pensioner. My husband and I did not have children but my husband believed that he has a daughter who he never met. The child's mother was married, so when my husband got her pregnant, she couldn't call his name. He took himself away, so he has never met the daughter.

Back to the story I am giving you: the man started to sleep at my house regularly and offered me money for groceries which I accepted. He moved in his clothes piece by piece until we started to sleep together. It was not easy for me to allow this man to take off my clothes. The first evening we had sex was painful, but after having sex with him for about a week, I knew what to do and I started to enjoy this man.

I am 75 years old and he is in his 50s. My closest girlfriend who is one year younger than me told me if I don't want him, she would take him. She too is a widow. Now this man and I share the cooking, but I wash and clean my house as usual. I am still very attractive for my age. I did not intend to get married again, but when this man proposed, I was excited. He has a house that he is still working on. I told him that I cannot leave this house for him; it has to go to my relatives. Please give me your advice.

P.L.

Dear P.L.,

If this man is respectful, you shouldn't worry about what other people say. You have told him that he will not get your house.

If he had that in mind, he knows that would not happen. I hope that before you got married to this man you had made a prenuptial agreement for him to sign. I don't care how much people say that they love each other, a prenuptial is a good way to protect oneself.

I hope that this man would not change and I wish for both of you many years together.

Pastor