Got into a fight with my boyfriend’s girlfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 years old and I am living with my mother and stepfather.

I do not trust my stepfather because from the time I was 15, he has been looking me. I told my mother that I did not want to continue living at home because I feel like running away. My mother spoke to him about his behaviour and he threatened to beat me because I was lying. I was not telling any lies on him. My mother warned him that if he touches me, she will chop him up. She said she was not sending me anywhere; I am going to live with her. She packed my stepfather's belongings and told him to go. She also threatened to report him to the police, but neighbours told her that because he didn't touch me, she should not report him or have him arrested. After three months, this man and my mother got back together, but he hated me.

I got involved with a bad man in the community. He was my protector. The only problem I had with him is that he had other girlfriends and I had a fight with one of them when I was 16. I was coming from school and she said, "Hey gal, I want you to leave my man alone. He told me everything about you." I didn't answer and she came up to my face and asked me if I didn't hear what she said, so I pushed her away. She pushed me and I put down my bag and we fought. My mother found the girl and she said I was the one who started the fight. This guy and I are still friends. My mother told him that she can't stop me from loving whoever I want to love, but she is begging him not to get me pregnant. My mother put me on the Pill, but my boyfriend doesn't know. Whenever we are having sex, he uses the condom.

My biological father is living in America and he is married. He filed for me and the filing is going through. I am anxious to leave this house, but I will miss my mother. My father's wife said everything is prepared for me. They have a comfortable house. I will have my own bedroom. My father drives trucks. He has two children with his wife. I speak to my father every week. I will miss my boyfriend. I told him I am expecting to leave. He said when I am in America, he will still consider me as his girlfriend and we may eventually get married. People know him in the area as a bad man. My stepfather knows him too and he no longer comes near me, nor tell me how much he loves me.

L.S.

Dear L.S.,

You have a very intelligent mother; she stood up for you when your stepfather caused you to believe that he wanted to sexually molest you.

Some mothers cause their spouses to abuse their daughters by telling them that they don't believe them. Your mother believed you and threw out her man. Some women call their daughters liars and some who believe their daughters tell them to remain quiet. They urge them not to tell anybody because they are afraid that no one would help them financially as the men are the breadwinners. It is unfortunate that you became sexually involved with a guy you know to be a bad man, and you had to fight another girl who is also his girlfriend. Try your very best to keep away from fighting over a man.

I am glad to hear that your biological father has filed for you and that you should be leaving Jamaica very soon for a better life. I hope that you will be able to go back to school and even go to college. Your mother is a strong woman; she will take care of herself. Although she will miss you, she knows that you will be in good hands.

Pastor