Husband having affair with old flame

Dear Pastor,

I always read your column. It is so enjoyable and interesting. I am married for just over 10 years. I have two little boys with my husband. They are doing very well. Before I got married, my husband had one son with another woman.

He said he and the woman were together from the time he entered adulthood. He said that she helped him to break out, and that the first time he had sex was with her, and it was in his father's truck.

His father was married, but he had a side chick who he used to go and see. One evening he was going with his father, and the girl asked his father if she could come along and he said yes. She climbed up at the back of the truck and the both of them were at the back of the truck. His father stayed for a long time and he and this girl had sex and she got pregnant.

When she said he got her pregnant, he told his father that it is not his child. However, his father told him to accept responsibility because he knew that he was with this girl for a long time that night. He mentioned that the girl was bad because she should not a have been with them that night. He eventually accepted the child as his. The boy resembles him so much.

My husband loves this child more than the two that we have together. He is still seeing this woman. She is like a side chick for him. He denies that he is having an affair with her, but I know he is. I do not know what to do to stop him because he is always denying that he is still seeing her.

Please tell me what to do.

M

Dear M.,

Continue to be faithful to your husband. You believe that he has not been truthful to you. I doubt very much that this woman will tell you the truth about it. She probably needs his money, so until you have proof that he is continuing to see her, just make sure that he takes care of you and the children. Make sure as well that you are not having unprotected sex with him.

It would be unwise for you to have unprotected sex with your husband if you believe that he is having sex with another woman.

If you find it very difficult to deal with the situation, try to get your husband to go with you to see a professional. Perhaps your husband will argue that the only reason he is seeing the woman is to give her money to support his son, and to also see his son occasionally. Be wise, don't break up your marriage over what he is doing. I hope that your husband would agree for both of you to see a counsellor together.

Pastor