Church members shun me for fornicating

Dear Pastor,

I am 28 and I have a son. His father and I got involved while we were in church. He is twice my age. I was singing on the choir and teaching Sunday school.

Two months after his wife died, he told me that he had been admiring me for a long time, even before her death. He said that he hoped that I did not have a boyfriend. I reminded him that I was much younger, and that people in the church would not expect him to have a relationship with me. He said I should leave that to him. He started to buy me gifts and sent me love notes.

I told one of my close friends in the church that this man was interested in me, and she said I would be a fool to allow another woman to get him, because he has money and lives in a beautiful home. He is a good-looking man. I decided to talk to my mother about it. She told me that I should not be worried about his age, because age is just a number. On my birthday, he took me to the north coast and when we got back to Kingston, he convinced me to stay with him that night. I told him that that wouldn't be right. Anyway, I slept with him. We did not use any protection, so he got me pregnant. When I missed my period, I called him and told him that something was happening to me. He said he knew I was pregnant. I told my mother and she called him. He went to see her. He told her that he would like us to get married before I have the baby.

This man and his wife never had children. He said she did everything the doctors said, but she never conceived. The man behaved like a little boy when he realised I was really pregnant. He told my mother that he did not use any protection with me because he didn't think he could get a woman pregnant. The church disciplined both of us as we had committed fornication.

When the child was born, we took him to the church to be blessed. Everybody came around and was happy to see us. But there are people who are still talking about how this man and I are fornicators. We have to reapply for membership, but I don't feel comfortable in going back to that church.

The pastor called me and invited me back. But I can't be among people who are hypocrites. My husband is ready to go back because we are now married. He is hoping that I will get pregnant again, soon. Please give me your comments.

O.E.

Dear O.E.,

I am glad that you are now married to a man who loves you and who is in a position to take good care of you financially. The man says that he loves you and he has been admiring you for a long time. Your mother did not discourage you from becoming involved with him, neither did your close friend. It is unfortunate, however, that both of you could not have abstained from sex until you were married. But it happened, and you got pregnant.

As I thought about your letter, the words of Jesus came to mind, " He that is without sin, let him cast the first stone." We are all sinners, and whatever happened in the lives of a couple can be forgiven by the Lord himself. Some Christians are quick to accuse and to condemn. Sometimes when they are condemning others, they are doing the same thing, or engaged in similar activities.

I am glad you took your son to the church to be blessed. Now, your husband is willing to return to the church as a member. You should seriously consider doing the same. Don't go anywhere else. Remember, you grew up in that church and your mother is there. Ignore those who believe that they are righteous. Jesus did not come into the world to call the righteous; he came to save sinners. So return to your church as soon as possible, and I wish you well.

Pastor