My wife threw me out in the freezing snow

Dear Pastor,

Years ago you officiated at my wedding. My fiancee, who is Jamaican like me, returned to Jamaica and we had a lovely wedding at your church.

She promised that she would live in Jamaica, but she was unable to get a job, so she returned to America and resumed working there. I gave up my job in Jamaica and joined her.

When I got there she was a different woman. She became domineering and she tried to push me around. I felt like a child. She did not want me to have anything to do with my relatives who are living in America. After struggling for a while to get a job, I eventually got one and she wanted to control my cheque. She wanted to keep half of the money and I could not say anything because I was living in her place, and she had mortgage to pay. She did not want me to go anywhere without her, but she walked in and out and I couldn't question her where she was going.

I have a son in Jamaica. He is only eight years old, and to send money to his mother was a big issue with my wife. My relatives in America used to say that my wife was a witch because only a witch would behave like that. One of my sisters called her and told her that she should remember that I was not starving in Jamaica and now that I was in America, she should remember that I have relatives there. She cursed my sister and she told her that they could come for me. My sister told her that they were not encouraging me to leave her, but one day after going to work, when I came back, she had everything for me packed. It was snowing heavily, but she told me I could go and that she did not need me.

This woman put me out in the cold and I could not reach my sister or any of my relatives to come for me. It was an awful experience. Then the following day, she called me and told me she was only teaching me a lesson and I must know that America is a woman's country, so I will have to learn to obey her as long as we are together. When I finally got hold of my sister and others, they picked me up and I have not gone back to this witch.

My sister asked her if I had a girlfriend and she said no, it was not a woman issue, but she could not allow me to do what I wanted while I was living in her house. I have not yet filed for divorce. Don't you think that I should? I am anxious to hear from you.

Initials Withheld

Dear Writer,

The questions I would like to ask you are simply these: Do you want to go back to your wife? Or do you want to move on and seek the advice of a lawyer? Do you think divorcing your wife will be the answer to the problems that you are having now? Your wife has not treated you well. Do you think that both of you need to see a family counsellor? It is not unusual for some women to treat their husbands with disdain.

I am thinking of a man who joined his wife in America and she cursed him every day. When he told her that he wanted to go back to school, she told him that he was a grown man and he shouldn't be thinking about that. She didn't put him out, but she cursed him so much every day that he left on his own and he finally divorced her.

You were at the mercy of this woman because you were living in her house and she didn't have any respect for you. Consider asking her to go with you to see a family counsellor. But if she does not agree, talk to a lawyer. I cannot encourage you to go back to her house to live.

Pastor