My wife is cheating with an 18-year-old

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you with tears in my eyes. I am a man in my 30s. I was living with a woman, but she found a young boy and got involved with him.

She brought this young man into our matrimonial bedroom. I am talking about an 18-year-old guy, who my wife allowed to take off her clothes and have sex with her. It is my neighbour who alerted me that every Tuesday on my wife's day off, this young man was coming to the house. But he always left before I got home.

One time I asked my wife why this young man was coming to the house, and she pretended that she did not know what I am talking about. Then she said she had problems with the plumbing, so a plumber came by to fix it. Where was this plumbing? I used the bathroom before going to work and everything was in order. I did not say anything more. I asked my neighbour to look out for me, and she did. The young man did not show up that Tuesday. I came home expecting to catch them, but he was not there.

My wife continues to have a relationship with the young man, but she goes out to meet him. We do not have children. She said that I am not satisfying her any more. All she is doing is spending my money. I make a reasonably good salary and it goes into my account and her name is on it. She goes into the account and takes out whatever she wants. So I closed it. When my wife realised, she threatened me and said she can get another man to treat her better. We are not sleeping on the same bed any more.

I cannot say that I have seen her in the bed with the guy. She does not keep her cell phone on, so I don't know what is going on there. But I know she is unfaithful to me. I bought her a car and she does not even try to maintain it. She wants me to do everything. I licensed it and insured it, but when it needs tyres, she wants me to buy them. I cannot forget when she said, 'I can get a better man.' I told her that I know she has the man already, and she wanted to know if I was watching her. She told me that the more I watch her is the less I will see. Imagine my wife going to bed with an 18-year-old boy and she is a big woman. If the guy was my age it wouldn't bother me as much. But can you imagine an 18-year-old?

You may wonder how I know he is 18. I know because he told one of his friends that he is 'licking' a big woman and she does not want him to stop. He said that sometimes he gets paid for taking care of her.

Pastor, what can I do?

H.D.

Dear H.D.,

Your wife does not respect you. Evidently, she is tired of you. Your neighbour told you that this young man was always there on a Tuesday.

If you wanted to have proof that the young man came there every Tuesday, you should have asked your neighbours to take pictures of him, but you didn't. You could have caught this young man and your wife. She lied about a man coming there to do plumbing. It does not seem that you are paranoid. Your neighbour tried to tell you that your wife was not faithful. She went into the account and did withdrawals, so you were quite correct in closing the account.

As I see it, both of you need to make an appointment to see a family counsellor, and you need to do that right away. Please don't get involved with any other woman, even if you are sure that you wife has another man. It would be hard to show affection now that you suspect that she is seeing another man. So, hurry up and see a family counsellor in person. Tell your spouse that you would like both of you to go to see the counsellor. If she is interested in saving her relationship, she will be willing to go. Please, let me hear from you again.

Pastor