I am too fat for my lover

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old and I have two children. I am living with my their father. I gained lot of weight after I became pregnant with my first child. My babyfather complained about the weight gain so I joined a gym and I shed some pounds.

However, I got pregnant again, but, since I had my second child, I have not been able to get the weight off.

My children's father has had affairs and has admitted to me that he has got involved with other women because he cannot bear to see the way I look. He says there is nothing sexy about me anymore. I used to wear shorts around the house. Now when I put on a shorts that I think is decent, my tummy hangs over the waist. To add insult to injury, my children's father looks at me as if he scorns me.

My boyfriend normally drops me off at work and then picks me up. Whenever he drops me home, he leaves right away. When I ask him where he is going, he said he is going to visit a friend. I know the friend he is talking about is a woman.

When I try to make love to him in certain positions, he says I am too fat. Pastor, I can dance and I tried to give my boyfriend a lap dance, and he said that I was choking him to death. In bed, he does not want to come on me anymore. I have found myself looking outside for a man. That is not something I thought I would ever do.

I asked one of my co-workers if he finds me attractive and he said my man should be happy to have me. I told him I will remember that. I know this guy would take me on if I show interest in him. His girlfriend is about my size. I don't want to cheat, but I don't like my children's father ignoring me, because I have feelings. Sometimes I am trying to engage in romance with my children's father and he begins to snore and falls asleep.

Please, will someone help me? I work hard, so I have to eat.

A.

Dear A.,

You need to go on a reducing diet and then maintain the diet. You haven't said how many pounds you are carrying. First of all, you need to go to see a doctor. He or she will tell you how much weight you should carry. I know that women have said that they have put on considerable weight after having children. That is not unusual, but their doctors should advise them what to do. Exercise is not enough. Some men love fat women, but some do not.

Evidently, your man is totally turned off by you. It is unfortunate that he is not very sensitive. You are the mother of his two children, and he should treat you with respect. Some of the things you have mentioned in your letter, I cannot print. But I can see that you are trying very hard to turn on your man.

Go to see a doctor, and do not ignore the medical advice that you get.

Concerning the temptation that you are facing, I beg you not to yield to such temptation. It would destroy the relationship you are having with your children's father. He is not going to tell people that he has been playing around with other women, he is going to say that you are no good and that you have other men with him.

I know that you love this man, there is no question in my mind about it. Don't give up on your relationship, because things will change for you.

Pastor