Gay Pastor says he’s not attracted to children

After opening up about his sexuality in an interview published in ‘THE WEEKEND STAR’, a confessed gay pastor is continuing the conversation about what his disclosure means for his ministry, his relationship with his congregation, and the questions many Christians may have.

His admission has sparked debate, particularly around issues of faith, leadership, accountability and the role of LGBTQ+ persons within the Church.

Here, the pastor responds to five difficult questions — including concerns from parents about trust, whether he had a duty to disclose his sexuality to his congregation, his views on same-sex relationships, and what he would say to others in the Church struggling with their sexuality.

QUESTION: Should parents trust you around boys and young men in your congregation?

RESPONSE: “I understand that concern, because for a very long-time society has conflated homosexuality with something it was never meant to be associated with. I don’t become offended by the question because I know where it comes from. People are trying to protect their children, and every parent has that responsibility. But I would ask them to separate two completely different realities. My attraction is to consenting adult men. It has never been to children. Those are not the same thing, psychologically, morally or legally.

The irony is that throughout history, we’ve seen abuse committed by people of every sexual orientation. We’ve seen heterosexual men abuse girls. We’ve seen women abuse boys. We’ve seen pastors who publicly preached against homosexuality commit horrific acts against children. So if our standard for trust is simply a person’s sexual orientation, I think we’re asking the wrong question. The right questions are: What safeguards are in place? What is this person’s character? Are there boundaries? Is there accountability?Those are the things that protect children.

If I were leading a youth ministry, I would expect the exact same safeguarding measures to apply to me as they would to every volunteer or leader. No one should be above accountability. I welcome that because protecting children is far more important than protecting anyone’s reputation, including my own.”

QUESTION: Do you think you had a responsibility to tell your congregation that you’re gay?

RESPONSE: “That’s a question I’ve wrestled with for years, because there’s a difference between privacy and secrecy. Every pastor has parts of their personal life that aren’t announced from the pulpit. We don’t typically introduce ourselves by saying whether we’re attracted to blondes or brunettes, whether we’ve struggled with pornography, or what temptations we’ve faced in life. Those are deeply personal things.

At the same time, I recognised that my situation carried a different weight because my sexuality wasn’t simply a private matter; it affected how people understood my ministry. I didn’t want anyone to feel that I had intentionally hidden something from them. So when the time came, I chose honesty, not because I owed people every detail of my personal life, but because I believe ministry should be built on truth. I knew some people would leave, and they did. I knew others would question my calling, and they have. But I would rather people disagree with me based on the truth than support me based on something they later feel was withheld.”

QUESTION: Are you currently in a relationship?

RESPONSE: “I am. And I’m aware that for many people, that’s where the conversation becomes even more difficult. Because it’s one thing to say you’re gay, and another to say you’re in a committed relationship.

I don’t pretend that’s an easy thing for many Christians to hear. But I also don’t believe love should be reduced to one aspect of a relationship. Like any couple, we have to learn patience, forgiveness, communication and sacrifice. We pray together. We challenge each other. We support one another.

I’m not asking everyone to agree with my relationship, but I am asking people to see it as more than the stereotype that’s often projected onto same-sex couples. It’s two people trying to live faithfully according to the convictions they’ve come to through prayer and study.”

QUESTION: Do you think you are the only pastor who has wrestled with their sexuality?

RESPONSE: “Absolutely not. If there’s one thing this journey has taught me, it’s that silence is often mistaken for absence. Just because people aren’t talking doesn’t mean people aren’t struggling. I know there are men and women in ministry who have spent years pleading with God to take these feelings away. Some have remained celibate because that’s where their convictions led them. Others have left ministry altogether because they couldn’t reconcile the tension. Some have entered heterosexual marriages hoping it would change them, only to discover years later that it didn’t.

I don’t claim to speak for all of them because everyone’s journey is different. But I do know what it feels like to wake up every morning believing that one part of who you are disqualifies you from something you love deeply. That’s an incredibly lonely place to be. Whether someone ultimately reaches the same theological conclusions I have or not, I think the Church needs to become a place where people can tell the truth about their struggles without immediately becoming a headline or a scandal.

I also don’t believe God judges a relationship by the gender of the two people alone. I believe He looks at faithfulness, love, commitment, integrity and whether that relationship reflects His character. That’s the conviction I came to after years of prayer and study. I know many Christians believe I’ve interpreted those passages incorrectly, but I couldn’t ignore what I believed God was revealing to me through scripture.