My man does not appreciate me

Dear Pastor,

I am a 33-year-old woman and I am still learning to appreciate the man in my life. He is 38. I try to do my best.

When we started living together, which was about two years ago, he changed. When we were not living together, things were different. He appreciated me more. Anything I did for him, he said thanks, but since we have been living together, he does not show much appreciation. He takes it for granted that it is what I have to do for him because we live together and I am his woman.

I asked him why he does not show appreciation and he said he does because he pays most of the bills in the house and gives me money to go to the market and supermarket every week. He is a man who loves ground provisions, so I try to buy that for him. He does not eat much rice. I point out to him that the ground provisions are too costly, and I have to be searching for people who bring them from the country into Kingston. Even then, he does not say thank you.

In January, it was his birthday, so I ordered a cake, bought champagne and spread a nice table. When he got home, he was very surprised. But the first thing he told me was that he did not know that I would spend so much money to purchase a cake and champagne. He did not even say "Thanks, I love you and I appreciate what you have done." I told him he was ungrateful. All that man wanted from me after we cut the cake and had the champagne was sex. I was prepared for the sex, but I thought he would have showed some appreciation.

This man is saying that I can see that he cares for me because he takes care of almost all the bills and we are not hungry. It has been a long time since I have heard this man say "Honey, I love you." When I said that to him, he told me that I can see that he loves me by what he does for me daily. When I moved in with him, I didn't have to bring any furniture. I left everything I owned at my parents' house. My siblings use them and I told them to take good care of them because I do not know how long I will be living with this man.

Do you think that I am looking for too much from this man by asking him to show appreciation for whatever I do for him? He said that whatever I do for him is what every woman should do for a man when they are living together. Do you agree with him? Am I wrong in asking for more, Pastor?

G.S.

Dear G.S.,

Years ago, I heard a story about a man. I said I heard it, but maybe I read it. Anyway, his woman kept asking him "Honey do you love me?"

One day the man said to her, "I told you once, I told you twice, now don't ask me again. If I change my mind, I would tell you." What some men fail to understand is that women love to hear whether their men appreciate them. So it is not always what a man does that impresses a woman.

The woman needs to understand, she needs to hear the words "I love you." I hope all men would understand that. Women need to hear from men that they love them. Women never get tired of hearing "I love you" from men. If a man says that he loves a woman and he is not genuine about it, the woman would know. So I am going to say to all the men who read this column: make sure that you begin to let your wife know that you love her by saying so.

Pastor