People don’t know my boss is secretly my dad

Dear Pastor,

I am a 19-year-old man and I am living with my grandmother. My mother has seven of us and she does not have a steady job.

She has worked as a helper. She got pregnant for the husband of one of her employers. When she realised that she was pregnant, she told the man's wife that she had to leave the job because she was expecting. The lady told her she could stay, but she did not want to do that. The lady did not know that her husband, after leaving home during the days, would return and have sex with my mother; that is how she got pregnant and how I was born.

I look different from my brothers and sisters. My father is half-Chinese and I look just like him. My father never told his wife that I am his son, but he gave my mother money to send me to school. I am the only child of my mother who attended prep school and I also went to a traditional high school. When I graduated from high school, my father employed me in his business. People suspect that he is my father, but many are not sure because I do not carry his last name. He introduced me to his children and told them that I am their brother and if anything should happen to him, they should treat me right.

I would like to become a lawyer, so I have applied to university. My father is able to support me. He said I should not tell anybody at his business place that he is my father. Recently my mother had to have surgery and my father paid the doctor every cent. He told the doctor that I am his son. I am very proud of my father. Before I came to work with him, he supported me well. But he did not introduce himself to my grandmother with whom I live. He told me that before I enter university, we should do something about my name. I asked him how his wife would feel about that and he said that I am a big man now, so his wife would be foolish to make an issue out of it.

What do you say Pastor?

B.N.

Dear B.N.,

I am going to say something that should encourage you. Perhaps you have felt that you were rejected when you were born.

I am assuming that your mother told you the truth when she believed that you were old enough to understand what she had to face when she worked as a helper. I know she told you what happened because you explained it in your letter. Many helpers become sexually involved with their male employers when they work with them as helpers. Many helpers did not object to that type of relationship because the men treated them very well.

Your mother was evidently well treated by your father, and when she became pregnant by him, she quietly left the job. The man did not deny that he impregnated her. There are some well-known males in this country who have impregnated their helpers. The good thing about your father is that he took care of you. He sent you to prep school and you did well and he supported you in high school. Now he is willing to pay for you to go to university. Now that you have grown up, he has introduced you to your siblings and has told them to accept you as family. I hope you will continue to respect him and honour him, and that you will bless your mother at all times.

Concerning the changing of your name, I suggest that that be done if you are comfortable in having this change. I am sure that your mother would not have any objection. If you are carrying your mother's maiden name, you can add your father's name by doing a deed poll. Your father is not concerned about how his wife may react when it becomes well known that you are his son. He will deal with that problem. I wish you well.

Pastor