Thinking of marrying my caregiver

Dear Pastor,

I hope you are doing well. I am feeling like I am on top of the world because I have found a woman who has caused me to be thinking about getting married again.

My previous wife died five years ago and I told myself I would never marry again. We had six children and they are all on their own, as you would understand. We were a close family. I hear from my children every week. Two of them are living close to me, so they pop in and out. I love my grandchildren.

This lady who I am interested in was my caregiver. She is 10 years younger than me. I am now 79 years old. I told my children what was happening to me. This woman lost her husband, who was my age, and she was living three miles away. She comes from one of the islands. My children were paying her to take care of me. She takes me to the doctor. My children handle my money. I receive social security and two of the children are in my bank account. My house is fully paid for and I am in good health.

This woman can give massages. I will tell you how this thing started. One day, she was giving me a massage and suddenly my mind clicked on romance. That never happened to me before. My eldest child is a girl, so I told her because she has been very close to me. She said "Dad, you are falling in love", and we laughed about it. But, every day this lady came by, I admired her so much. Then I suggested that she could move in and she said she was wondering when I would ask her that.

Now, because of my Christian beliefs, I don't want to have a long courting with her because we have already gone into bed works. I am sure you know what I mean. She is ready for us to get married. She said that she doesn't need anything from me, and I don't want anything from her. She has her children. But I need her love and companionship.

Do you think I should take the risk and marry her? All my children say that they can see that she loves me and it would be better to have someone with me, in case I become ill. What is your suggestion, Pastor?

J.B.

Dear J.B.,

I would suggest that you do two things: one, find a family counsellor and two, both of you go to him/her for counselling.

Why is this woman so anxious to marry you? Slow down a little. The second thing I would like you to do is to see a lawyer and have him/her draw up a prenuptial agreement. I know this lady says that she does not want anything from you, but please safeguard yourself. One never knows what may happen to you in the future.

Don't get into marriage without your children knowing what you are doing. After the lawyer has drawn up the agreement, let your children have a look at it. I wish you well, my dear friend.

Pastor