Dead husband still on my mind

Dear Pastor,

I am a 40-year-old woman. My husband passed on three years ago and I have been dating a man I have known for a long time.

When my husband was not well, this man and I used to share thoughts but we were not intimate. My husband died from cancer. He was 20 years my senior. He was a very wonderful man. This man I have been going out with knew my husband well and he was always visiting him and supported me by taking him around sometimes. I had no sexual feeling for him at that time. Since my husband passed away, he and I have developed a special friendship. This man was never married, but he has children who are living abroad. The mother of his children also lives in America. The children have always been very close to their father. This man saved with his mother and, with the help of his children, they built a three-bedroom house with two bathrooms and a kitchen. The children visit him often. They know that their parents will never get back together.

He invited me to spend a weekend with him at his house and I went. While I was there, one of his daughters called and he said "Guess who is here?" She said she could not guess and he said "Miss 'so and so'" and he put me on the phone. It was his way of telling her that we have something going. We had sex that night. It was not what I thought it would be. I was shy because I could not get my husband out of my mind. Please don't think that I am rude but this man put me in the same position that was my husband's favourite. I tried to object and he asked me why I was fussing, but I did not tell him why.

I am a churchwoman. Now this man is asking me to marry him. I told him to give me time to decide. My husband left me in a very good position financially. Though I am still missing him, I am getting to love this man more and more. I want to rededicate my life to my Saviour and that means that I will have to do something about my sex life and stop fornicating.

Y.A.

Dear Y.A.,

If you know that you love this man and he loves you, and if you believe that he is genuine, and you know that you are genuine, and he is not proposing to you because he needs financial assistance from you, and you want to serve your Lord and Saviour, and you don't want anything to stand in your way, accept this man's proposal.

Get married as early as possible. You said you did not want to be rude to me. I don't want to be rude to you either. Suffice it to say that the position in which this man had sex with you is a position many couples enjoy. So, after you are married, you may come to love it. Your deceased husband had no claim over that position.

Pastor