Ex-husband is a barefaced thief

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column for a long time. I am a divorcee. My husband was not trustworthy. He used to steal. He stole from me and my friends. He embarrassed me and my family. We have two children together and when he was arrested and taken to court, other children used to tease our children, saying their father is a thief.

This man broke in our neighbour's house and was caught, but he wouldn't stop stealing. I told him that if he does not stop, police would kill him. However, it seemed as if he could not control himself. I could not take the embarrassment any more, so I divorced him.

After I divorced him, he joined a church. He got baptised in that church but he didn't change. The pastor of that church spoke to me. He told me I should consider forgiving my husband and take him back, but I told the pastor that would have to be over my dead body. The pastor told me I couldn't marry again as long as my husband is alive. I told the pastor that as far as I am concerned, my husband is dead.

My children still recognise him as their father, so they called him on Christmas and New Year and on Father's Day. He does not give them anything. I support them fully. My brothers and sisters assist me.

To illustrate how this man is wicked, I had my wedding band on the dresser and he took it away and said he did not do so. I know he went and sold it. He used to go around and take people's clothes off their lines. I was told that he took them down to Coronation Market and sold them. What will I be doing with this man in my life?

Since I divorced this man I was able to pay down on a house. It is only two bedrooms, but it is sufficient for me and my two children. My children are very bright and I am proud of them. I have a male friend; he visits me but I don't allow him to sleep over, as I have to show respect to my children. I have stopped attending my old church because the pastor has condemned me for divorcing my husband and declared that I cannot get married again while he is alive.

My man friend is an educator. He is good at maths, so he spends time helping my children to work out their maths problems. When I look around, I cannot find anything that my husband has given to the boys in recent time. I told them not to ask him for anything. I want to live a decent life, so my man friend has proposed to me.

Is it wrong to accept his proposal? I hope to hear from you soon.

T.K.

Dear T.K.,

You say that the pastor told you that you cannot remarry while your husband is alive, but this man is not your husband, he is your former husband. You are divorced, and divorce mean that the marriage has ended, so I do not agree with the pastor. But there are many like him that teach that if the person you married is still alive you can never remarry.

I do not understand the Bible to teach that. I repeat, anyone who is divorce is free to remarry.

I am sorry to know that your former husband, because of his conduct, caused his children to be embarrassed by their peers. Not even the married ring he left for you. What an awful man! But I am happy to know that you have met a very responsible man and that he respects you, and he even assist you with your children. It is wonderful that you have been able to put some money on a house; make sure that you pay the mortgage. If you really love this man who is visiting you, make sure that both of you receive premarital counselling and then get married. I wish you well.

Pastor