Stepfather molested me from I was five years old

Dear Pastor,

I was five when my stepfather met my mother and found out she had a daughter.

My main purpose was to be sexually abused by him. I didn't stand a chance. I was taken from my grandmother's house and brought to his house to live. That very night I told my mom I was scared to sleep, and my stepfather and my mom agreed that he would sleep beside me. From then on, my life was never the same. I was constantly fondled and my chest rubbed. In the morning, I was told to never say anything or my mother would beat me.

That was my life moving forward. When my brother was born, we shared the same room and bed. But when he fell asleep, my stepfather pushed him aside and ravished my body. He constantly told me that I was being trained to be the perfect whore and that I would be enjoyed by many men. I started to developed breasts but they never felt normal, because he always rubbed them whenever he pleased. I used to stay outside when there was no school, because once he was home, that was the only way to avoid being molested. When my mom got home, he told many lies on me, and then mom would beat the crap out of me.

As I got older, the lies and the beatings got worse. I was extremely depressed, but the doctor told my mom I had low iron. I did everything around the house. One day, my brother tried to climb a small tree, but the higher limbs could not support him, so I insisted he get down. He went and complained to his dad. I was grabbed by the throat and punched repeatedly in the face. When I was struggling to breathe and trying to release his hand, every time I opened my eyes, I had to close them because another punch was coming. No one helped me.

I was never treated like a human being. When I was 11, my sister came along, and I had more work to do. At age 15, I got a boyfriend and I was caught in the yard with him. The next day he convinced my mother to take me to the doctor to check if I had sex. That same day in the backyard, I was beaten with a broom. If that was not enough, while walking past him, my stepfather kicked me to the floor. My mom just watched me on the floor crying in pain.

I am now a 36-year-old mentally disturbed woman with severe depression. My brain never had the chance to develop properly because of the constant abuse. I regret not committing suicide. Sometimes I have a hard time even bathing my body or just functioning as a normal human being. Sometimes I wake at nights crying. I never had a childhood, and I will never be normal. When I was 16, I told my mother what happened to me and how she took part in my abuse. She took me to a police station to make a report and the female cop said, "It's her word against his and these things are reported every day." She refused to take a statement.

Now, after having a child of my own and feeling turmoil daily, knowing I need to survive for my child, I wait every day for death so I can be free of this pain. I am on a lot of medications to just barely be able to function. I am in therapy but it has not worked. I will always be damaged. I hope no child will suffer like I did. I really hope that Jamaica will one day take serious action against paedophiles like my stepfather.

R.

Dear R.,

I am surprised at the reaction and comments of the police officer when, at 15 years old, you went to the police station and complained of the abuse you were encountering by your stepfather.

No investigation was done. For the police to say that it will be your word against your stepfather's was a very poor excuse. Your mother should not have accepted what she said, but it is evident that your mother was a very naive woman. Judging by the things you have said, your mother unknowingly facilitated his behaviour. He was a very cruel human being. He should be arrested, tried and sentenced to many years.

I want to encourage you to continue to work with your therapist. I want to add that you should turn your life over to God. He is able to bless you abundantly, although right now you feel that there is no hope for you. Don't give up, and please take time to read your Bible and pray. I will be praying for you. Please write to me again.

Pastor