Husband didn’t know he had an outside child

Dear Pastor,

My husband is 35 years old and I am 30. We have three children. He has recently told me that he has another child that he didn't know about.

We have two boys and one girl. This child that he recently found out about is a girl. He said that he got a call from the mother of the child informing him that the child is his. She said that she had cheated on her then boyfriend when she had sex with my husband. Her man was always doubtful that he was the father of the girl, and he pressed her for them to do a DNA test. The DNA test has proven that he is not the father. So she has informed my husband that she is very sure that the child is his, because apart from the man she married, he was the only person she slept with.

My husband is not denying that he slept with her and has convinced me that he is speaking the truth. This woman is not asking my husband to take the child, and her husband is not asking her to give up the child, either. He treats the child very well. The child is bright and has a good future ahead of her. But I don't know how we are going to handle this matter.

We have seen pictures of the girl. She carries the name of the man her mother married. When my husband got the first picture of her, he kissed it and he cried. I did not quarrel with him. He asked me for my forgiveness, and I told him I have forgiven him. So now we have four children, but his first child is being supported by another man. Do you think he should occasionally send money to the mother for this girl?

Anonymous

Dear Writer,

The mother of this girl wanted your husband to know that he has a daughter.

It does not appear to me that she is asking for him to support this child, because the child is being supported and her stepfather will not give her up. The question is, should this girl be told that the man she thought is her father is not her biological father, and wouldn't that affect her negatively?

I would say to you, my dear lady, leave this alone. The child is happy where she is and you are happy with your children. Take care of them. Should the mother of that child inform her daughter when she grows older that her biological father is your husband, then he should start to play a role in her life. But right now, leave the matter alone.

Pastor